Looking 20 at 40

I've had this unreasonable fantasy ever since I hit my mid 20s, that I must look 20 by the time I hit 40. The landmark birthday is 8 months away and it's safe to say, I definitely do not look 20 and I'm surprisingly not sad about it.

What my one white hair and Buddha like patience (I'm a single mum to a very verbose 7 year old, so yes I do have Buddha like patience) has taught me is that it's great to be almost 40.

I'm more confident in my skin, I take myself out on solo dates, I eat and buy whatever I want without thinking twice. Almost 40, never looked better. 

Perhaps I need to have a little more of a life beyond work and raising a child. All in due time though. There's a time for play and there's a time for work. My 70 year old parents are case in point. They're a classic example of a hardworking middle class couple, who slowly made their way up the the socio-economic ladder and now they only have time for holidays and partying.

Each time I talk about taking an early retirement with my father, he scrunches up his nose in disgust, like I'm still in the pits of poverty. I chuckle and re-assure him, that I'm his stubborn offspring afterall, so I'll do exactly what I want and not what he has envisioned for my life. 

To be almost 40 and to have parents who still say "no", for every life decision of mine, starting with my choice of hair colour, is definitely a blessing. To have people who nit-pick and nag is a gift. We must treasure it for as long as it lasts.

While I may not have Korean glass skin, instead I'm naturally gifted with a nice double-chin, thanks to my wonderful genetics, it's still safe to say, life has never looked better at almost 40.

Here's to another couple of decades of ageing gracefully. Bring on the grey-hairs and a more pronounced double-chin, I'm absolutely ready for it!

Empower Yourself

My 7 year old wants to be an electronics teacher when he grows up. I looked him straight in the face and told him, he can grow up to be absolutely anything he has wants, as long as he empowers himself.

To walk away from rooms and tables that disrespect you, is something that you have to earn. And that comes with nothing but hardwork. Put your head down and keep working. Be the best electronics teacher the world has seen.

He nodded his head and blinked at me twice with his googly eyes and said, "Okay mumma." To walk away from gossip mongers and rooms that drain you of your energy is something that must come to everyone like second skin.

Learn, upskill and keep an open mind. Progress is quiet. It's not found in rooms filled with loud music and 100 people grinding next to each other. 

The occasional noise and hysteria is perfectly fine to break some steam. However, if it's a lifestyle and you live from one party to the next, that's a problem.

You're born alone and you die alone. And when the endgame happens, ensure that you leave behind a legacy for your children and the next generation.

Inspire them so much that they feel like getting a tatoo dedicated to you, when they're lost. My late grandfather's anchor tattoo on my arm is case in point. He was a quiet man with a handful of friends. I'm so proud of the legacy he has left behind. A 10 minute conversation involving him, with any new person I meet, happens automatically. 

Lead, not follow. Inspire, don't waste your time gossiping and comparing your life to others. Each one is on their own path. Let them be and keep your focus on. 

To quote Robert Frost, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Laryngitis Inflicted Peace

Two days since I lost my voice to laryngitis and life has never felt more peaceful. 48 hours of not uttering a single word out of my mouth. That's when you truly evolve into a good communicator. You're forced to listen and simply blink in response. 

Two days of vegetating in my parental home and I understand the restlessness of retired folks. It's peaceful yet boring. No deadlines to meet, no documents to work on and definitely no 7 year old boy to fight with. Complete and total silence, almost blissful.

I say almost blissful because how much OTT content can a human being watch in a day? After a point that becomes monotonous and dull too.

Hats off to stay at home mums, retired folks and anyone else who chooses to voluntarily stay at home. It's harder than it looks.

I can probably pull off one more day of silence and sleep, after that my fingers and brain will definitely begin to twitch again.

Strange how we feel guilty for taking a day off even when when we fall sick, it's probably the conditioning of the great Indian rat race that we've been told to keep running in, until the day we die. 

Hardly A Victim

Definitely not a victim to circumstances,

Strong my stance,

After a period of spiralling out,

It's crucial to let it all out,

Than to have those negative emotions fester,

And incessantly pester,

It's good to be a drama queen,

Let all your feelings be felt and seen,

Speak out your worst fears,

Maybe let out a few tears,

And then take charge of your life,

Get down to sorting out yet another strife,

Drown out the white noise,

Work towards the solution calmly and rejoice. 

Trust Yourself

Trust yourself,

Even if life or people make you feel like a helpless elf,

Trust yourself,

Even if the circumstances make you want to run away and vegetate on the shelf,

Trust yourself,

To overcome any challenge however big or small to resolve itself,

Trust yourself,

With all of your flaws, to withstand any storm all by yourself,

Trust yourself,

To rise up above all that white noise, showing up is a feat in itself,

Trust yourself,

To make every hard day, easy, keep your sorrows to yourself,

Trust yourself,

To resolve every hardship, as you always have, all by yourself.

The Importance of Stretching

I got ghosted by my lower back this morning, along with some other muscles that I didn't know existed. This is what happens when you pretend to be a flexible 20 year old at almost 40.

I indulged in a gorgeous hour long circuit training workout with my enthusiastic Gen-z personal trainer last morning. The more she said "good job", the more I pushed myself like wonder woman. 

Wonderful things, circuit training exercises. You feel light as a feather, almost like you're floating on a cloud for hours, at the end of the workout of course. During the routine, you'll find yourself panting like a Labrador who hasn't had enough water.

It's crazy how we take our bodies for granted and just push ourselves to try and look younger and skinnier, even if our entire system protests.

I suppose this is my mid-life crisis - to workout until I can't move. I'm definitely broken on the inside today - literally speaking. 

Never take for granted stretches post a workout and resting. Give yourself grace on the days your back hurts and maybe pop a few extra sugar-free goodies, so that your ego doens't feel so battered. 

Strange this Demon called Parenting

Strange this demon called parenting, where you want space from your little minions. And when you get that space, you wonder what they're upto. Your days are suddenly filled with no purpose, when they no longer live with you.

The free time brings both relief and loneliness. How do I explain this strange thing called parenting? You want them to find their own voice and personality and yet you fear whether you're doing enough to equip them with the right skills for them to fly away.

You want them to fly away and yet you fear what you'll do with all that free time. You want them to be carefree and wild, yet you worry whether they're keeping up with the rest of the class.

So you push them a little harder to study better and instantly feel guilty watching their tiny face filled with stress. It's a tight rope act, this journey called parenting. You can never slip-up, because tiny beings are watching you closely, following in your footsteps. 

You want them to grow up, yet your heart aches listening to their baby voices disappear along with their baby features. 

You want them to run wild in the world, yet fear what would happen if they take bad decisions. You have to let go even if you don't want to. And you have to accept that they will do and say things that don't align with you.

I think that answers my question. Acceptance and keeping an open mind is what parenting is all about. Expect them to shock you, scare you and scandalise you and all you can do is accept them and love them even harder on difficult days. Especially on the difficult days.