Moving Past the "Fat Thor" Era: A Fresh Start

Holiday weight, that dreaded stubborn belly fat, and the sudden 2-kilo weight gain that slaps you from simply sniffing a dark chocolate bar. I blame my big brother for looking like Thor from "Avengers: Endgame". He brings too many sweet liquor bottles, gigantic bars of chocolate, and dates of every variety. Evenings fly by in eating and overeating, talking and over-talking. 

No, I cannot look like fat Thor anymore. Instead, I am going to take his mom's advice just before he rushes back to the future with Rocket Raccoon. He hugs her and says, "I love you, Mom," and Frigga, his mom, replies, "I love you. And eat a salad!" right before he calls for his hammer, Mjolnir. 

"Yes, I'm still worthy too," I muttered this morning, quoting Thor again to my Gen Z trainer when she asked, "Are you walking and swimming every day?" The judgmental little thing immediately spotted my liquor, meat, and chocolate belly. 

This stops today! No more heavy food for me from this moment onwards—only smoothies and maybe a piece of dark chocolate. Okay, two, if I have to be realistic. 

"Fat Thor" out!

I've Got This Handled: A Journey Through Loss

Grief is nothing but a celebration of love. The amount I've spoken about my late husband in the past five years with friends—old and new—and family, of course, is endless. From Milo milkshakes to Tumi bags, to all our holidays and every restaurant he ever took me to in my life—everything has been written about, spoken about, and photographed so much that people around me are either tired, amused, or irritated. 

I can't help it though: a) I'm a chatterbox, and b) it was probably a good marriage/relationship, even though we had our share of fights. That one man made me realise I can love fiercely, intensely, and give it my all. All of me truly did love all of him, to quote John Legend. Either he brought out all that love from within me, or I was raised by a suffocatingly loving family—it's a combination of both I guess.

When I think of my late husband, I think of him with love and almost zero hate. In the past five years, I've forgiven him for abruptly dying on me and our son, and in that forgiveness, I've found peace. I wonder which stage of grief I'm in now—perhaps it's acceptance. I'm at peace with having a husband who passed five years ago; I no longer curse him when I have to take decisions alone for my family of two. 

Rest in peace, Poopie. I think I've got this handled—life and motherhood, I mean.

A Parent's Dual Mind

My 48-inch personal photographer had a fainting spell today,

It was enough to take my breath away,

His teacher assured me that he was his usual chatty self,

With a mouth that flaps too much for a little elf,

My brain immediately split in two,

Half at work, half at school, as the panic just grew and grew,

He bounced in at three as usual,

sounding a little too casual about his fall,

His baby ego also took a fall from his lack of body control. 

By evening, the entire day had taken its toll on his little mind,

He turned into a little demon—the screechiest kind,

My 48-inch personal photographer had a fainting spell today,

It was enough to take my breath away.

Post-Vacation Blues and the Laundry Mountain

A relaxing getaway is all well and good for the mind, body, and soul. However, what is not fine is the pile of laundry you bring back at the end of that getaway, which immediately undoes all that relaxation. Four piles of stinky clothes have been washed today from our recent beach vacay, and I am ready to just curl up in bed now and wake up after 100 years.

Of course, I am dreading the Monday morning grind, which is dancing uncomfortably close to my face. I am ready to reload on that holiday now—minus the pile of laundry afterwards. Massive, bittersweet sigh! Why do good things always come to an end? Why did our holiday have to end so fast? Why do we have to wear so many clothes and swimming costumes during the course of the aforementioned holiday?

I am as heartbroken as my 7.5-year-old now. Today definitely feels like the worst day of my life because, from tomorrow, we are both "going back to hell"—his words, which I would like to cut, copy, and paste. He is lying on my bed now with Tiger Balm all over his leg and a gloomy look on his face, gloomier than Doctor Doom, I can assure you.

I look happy on the outside as always (a deep-rooted childhood problem which has no solution, unfortunately), but I am so sad on the inside that I could probably cause volcanic eruptions along the Ring of Fire in the Pacific Ocean, Indonesia, and Iceland. So, that is that. Goodbye, happy vacation; hello, mountains of laundry that just do not seem to end. My washing machine probably wants to slap me now.

Sun, Sand, and Seafood: Our Blissful Escape to Poovar

Beautiful, green, and sultry Poovar is the perfect quick getaway with family if you love seafood, sun, sand, pristine seas, and boat rides. All you can do here is eat, sleep, do a mild amount of sightseeing, and repeat.

Our holiday is coming to a close in less than 24 hours, and my son and I are already feeling the Monday morning blues. We checked in at Isola Di Cocco, a charming Ayurvedic beach resort, late Thursday afternoon. We have been eating, swimming, and sleeping ever since we arrived. The weather makes you want to just snooze because it is burning hot outside.

We indulged in a lovely boat ride around the breezy island of Poovar on Day 2 and visited the stunning Aazimala Shiva Temple on Day 3. Now, it is almost time to head back home. Cue the sad music!

The staff at Isola Di Cocco are warm and friendly. The food is scrumptious, and the pool beckons you after every meal to melt away all those extra calories. I am going back home three kilos heavier in body, but three kilos lighter in spirit. I highly recommend Poovar and Isola Di Cocco for anyone looking for a quick getaway from the mundane Monday-through-Friday drill.

I have lost track of the number of glasses of sweet and salty lime soda I have had, along with Uncle John's ice cream and every variety of fried vegetarian and non-vegetarian delicacy. I am off to sleep now for an hour before my child knocks me on the head with his swimming goggles and drags me back to the pool. Goodnight, everyone! What bliss it is to enjoy heavy afternoon siestas after indulgent seafood meals.

Burp, snore, splash, repeat!

Endless Plates and Infinite Love: Welcome to My Family

My family shows love through food. The more you are fed, the more you are loved. Personally, I am not just loved; I am doted on and endlessly pampered, treated like the youngest even when the next generation sits right next to us, nibbling on all that gorgeous food.

Yesterday, I visited the house I grew up in. My uncle (Mohan uncle) and cousin (Swaroop chettan) had already left for the U.S. for the World Cup, but they left their presence behind in spirit—in the form of a mountain of gifts, food, and a dream cake chocolate tub. As I ate my way through the decadent spread of fish fry, prawn fry, chicken curry, fried rice, pappadam, and payasam, I probably shed an invisible half-tear. I pictured my cousin, his family, and my uncle sitting at the table, eating along with the rest of us.

However, the food was so spectacularly good that I had no time to feel sorry for them—or myself—for missing out on that shared time. Instead, I did exactly what my late grandparents trained me to do since I was four years old: eat like a pig. I truly wished I had two stomachs for breakfast and lunch yesterday.

My cousin, Sowmia, has turned out to be even more loving and suffocatingly hospitable than my late grandmother. She doesn't sit still or sit down to eat with the rest of us until everyone is fed and overfed, and until every last pappadam and puri reaches the table from the kitchen.

Welcome to my home and my family—where the food never ends, and the love is infinite. Yesterday afternoon, when I mentioned feeling lonely without a husband, my mother pointed to the army sitting around me and said, "You have all of us. You will never be alone.

The Confessions of a Workaholic: Why I Can't Stand the "Sabbatical Bro"

I'm probably going to get a lot of hate for writing this piece, but here goes nothing: I don't like people who are on perennial sabbaticals and have no major life goals to conquer and achieve. Before you hit the close button on this piece, hear me out.

I didn't take a sabbatical from work after I delivered my child, while nursing him during the wee hours of the morning, on my husband's death anniversary, on his birth anniversary, or even on the day we met when he was alive. Add to that, my 35-year-old husband dropped dead at work. It's safe to say, and I think it's been clearly established: I'm a bloody workaholic. It is not something I admit with shame or pride; I simply state hard facts. This is who I am.

I've rebelled against bosses and work cultures that don't fit in with my core ideologies. That being said, I'm grateful for the 16 years I've put in across various organisations, industries, and sectors. I am grateful and blessed to have worked with some of the sharpest minds across industries, and I still have a lot to learn and a lot to achieve. I don't want to retire at 60. I have wonderful uncles in my family to look up to who haven't stopped sailing and haven't retired from their merchant navy careers well into their 70s. (I'm talking about you, Aji maama—I'm sure you're reading this!)

So no, I simply hate people without goals who are sitting tight at home with zero aspirations for themselves. Stay-at-home mums are not included in this list; they have aspirations, and those are tied to their kids. I was raised by a strong stay-at-home mum, so I'm leaving this crowd aside when I state that I don't like people without goals.

The next category of people I don't like are the braggers. Five years of work experience, one unheard-of award somewhere, and suddenly they think they're Elon Musk. Out! Just get out of my face before I punch you on the nose and hand it to you to get stitched back up in an ENT ward. Just get out into the world and throw yourself hard at work.

Take your sabbaticals post-6 in the evening and run multiple side hustles. Financial freedom, regardless of gender, is priceless. It simply gives you peace of mind and buys you all the luxuries in the world. So why deny yourself that?

I am ready to give a TED talk now on the various categories of "sabbatical bros and sisters" I've met through the years. The PPT is in my head; I just need someone to push me out there, let me crack a bunch of offensive jokes, and then I can breathe in peace.

Workaholic out! Holiday mode on (but only for 4 days).

From Baby Whale to Waka Waka: My Post-Dessert Fitness Plan

What a time for Shakira to drop "Dai Dai", the official anthem for the 2026 FIFA World Cup, looking the way she does—smoking hot at 49! Hips that look like they can melt butter and a face that can make angels take off their robes along with their wings, saying, "Join us!" 

I repeat, what a time for Shakira to drop "Dai Dai" because I'm right in the middle of a mini family vacation, chomping on every variety of dessert, dates and junk food and looking like a baby whale. I sniff and put on 500 grams, another two sniffs and my weighing scale will probably break.

 

I'm so ashamed to look the way I do—a small podgy balloon—in the face of a very fit and shapely 49-year-old Shakira. Being a decade younger than her, I'm motivating myself to skip dinner for the rest of the week while thumping down half a jar of Nasi and Mee's Milo Tiramisu and one gigantic triangular piece of Toblerone. 

But from tomorrow, after I finish eating all these sugars, I will skip dinner and soon, in another decade, I will definitely look like Shakira. 

In her words, "You knew from the day you were born, That here, in this place, you belong, You've been this brave all along, What broke you once made you strong."

My Pillars of Strength: A Note of Gratitude

A moment of appreciation for this couple who have quietly stood by me as I fell apart and slowly pieced my life back together bit by bit—my big brother, Arjun, and my sister-in-law, Vandana. There have been countless moments where I have been irrational and griefy, and they have quietly just let me be. They are both experts at gauging my expressions and have held me up, literally and figuratively, either in words or action.

While the whole world sees a griefy widow, I think this couple experienced my heartbreak along with me. They just understand my need to breathe Starbucks air now and then, eat a Naturals ice cream, or just be dramatic whenever I choose to be. They see the gaping void in my life, which I try to fill with a mountain of work.

I am currently at a stage in my life where I am a chatty Preeti from Dil Se, all set to marry Amar, who is in love with a toxic, self-destructive, terrorist Meghna. But here is the catch: there is no Amar or Meghna in sight for me. I am happy to do the "Jiya Jale" dance on a boat all by myself, thank you very much—wet saree and all.

And before you ask, no, I still haven't figured out what "Munthiri muththoli chindhikko Vanjani varna chundhari vaavae Thaanginnakkath thakadhimiyaadum thanganilaavae hoi" stands for. I digress as always; if distraction had a face, I would be it. Blessed to have this wonderful couple in my life and all the giant bars of Toblerone they bring every year, along with sweet liquors and dates of exotic varieties.

Embracing the Cracks: The Art of Owning My Grief

I have been owning my grief since 2021, and I think I am pretty much killing it—especially the owning part. From Starbucks takeaway boxes to drink nights with friends and family, everything is a constant reminder of the life I once had.

I am my grief, and my grief is me. It is similar to the scene in The Avengers when Hulk confesses to Captain America seconds before stopping a giant flying monster with one punch: "That's my secret, Cap: I'm always angry." It is impossible to forget a habit of 13 years in just five. Time definitely heals—I can confirm this—but it does not make you forget.

I am cursed with the memory of an elephant (the kind found only in the deep rainforests of the Amazon, I presume) because I forget nothing. I still remember the scent and aroma of the food my grandmother fed me when I was four years old. Therefore, it is mission impossible for me to forget a life I spent 13 years trying to build.

Everything I am today—the multiple hair colour changes ranging from blue to purple to cherry purple, and the tattoos—is a reminder of the person I have become. I am still bright and sparkly on the outside, but more like a ceramic piece restored through Kintsugi (or Kintsukuroi). This centuries-old Japanese art form fixes broken pottery with a special lacquer dusted with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Instead of hiding the cracks, this philosophy treats the breakage and repair as a beautiful part of the object's history. Please note: I am Hulk, and I am Kintsugi.

I am not sure how many humans openly admit to their flaws, but it is the first thing I do whenever I meet someone new. This is especially true if I like them and want to incorporate them into my life. It is best to lay out all the negatives first and observe whether they want to bolt and run or if they want to stay and uncover more dazzling bits of my personality—like my two-decade-old junk jewellery collection. 

The living are strange. They live as if they will live forever. I call the living "strange" because I have been both. I died the day my husband did, and I have taken multiple births since he passed, trying to make sense of the barrage of work disguised as school, office, and anything else that catches my fancy.

So yes, I have been owning my grief since 2021. I am probably killing it because I allow it to wash over me whenever it wants to, knowing the feeling will eventually pass on its own. That is the only way you can beat grief: you never truly can, so you simply have to accept it.