Move Over, Karan Johar: Why My Family Beats Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham

A moment of appreciation for my sisters—by marriage and by blood. They get me like no one else in the world. One good, incoherent cry session with my cousin or my sister-in-law from Dubai, where I am sobbing hysterically more than talking, is enough to revive me back to my superhero self. Even as I cry as loudly as my son and gush out incoherent mumbo jumbo, they hear everything loud and crystal clear.

My favourite food? Cooked and ready for me before I even reach their houses. The coloured kajals I love to wear, along with some junk jewellery? Already set aside and waiting for me when I visit. Superhero bobbleheads? Picked up only after a video call to confirm exactly which one I want. I am truly blessed to have this trio: two by marriage and one by birth.

Both of my brothers—my cousin and my own—absolutely hate my guts when I declare to their faces that their wives are the better versions of them. Of course, I am kidding when I say this. While their better halves understand my soul, my brothers understand the madness in my soul and why it works the way it does. All of these couples complement each other like Yin and Yang. Lucky for me, I am loved by everyone without any bias. Obviously, this overflowing love spills over to my already spoiled brat of a son as well.

When we all meet once a year, the joy that fills my heart cannot be put into words. We are a multigenerational, food-loving, loud, opinionated, screechy, and super-affectionate family. We may or may not bite, depending on the conversation you choose to have with us. I love this family—men, women, children, animals, and everything in between. Well, there goes another article into the world about loving your family. I could put Karan Johar to shame now; Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham is simply no match for us.

The Myth of the Period Goddess vs. My Reality

I have been watching reels and beautiful stories about how periods are celebrated in Indian temples, how anger is actually a feminine power tied to the goddess Kali, and how menstruating means a woman is at her strongest. While that sounds absolutely wonderful on paper, periods have done nothing but suck the wind out of my system ever since I first got them at nearly ten years old.

My symptoms grew progressively worse over the years until I was finally diagnosed with PCOD a year after I got married. The condition was discovered only after a bout of severe back pain left me completely bedridden for a week. That was when ultrasound scans revealed cysts on both of my ovaries that looked as massive as the globe does from outer space.

As a newly married woman, the nurses and lab technicians were horrified by my scans. They kept bluntly asking if I had a child yet, telling me that if I didn't, it was high time I thought about making one. Needless to say, I had a very difficult time conceiving, followed by an even bumpier pregnancy.

Of course, the bright side of that grueling journey is raising my cheeky little son. He constantly shakes his bum at me and asks for another "beating" on his backside, hilariously insisting it is a "relaxing massage" rather than a punishment.

However, returning to my PCOD, I hardly feel like a goddess or at my strongest. On the contrary, it feels like a volcanic eruption is tearing through my entire abdomen. The only thing that puts the fire out is consuming two to three kilos of chocolate ice cream, chocolate sauce, and chocolate cakes.

All the Dronis 30 pills and hot water bags in the world cannot extinguish this pain. I am forced to lie in bed all day, either sleeping or staring up at the ceiling fan. I end up having incoherent conversations with it, much like a drunk three-month-old baby who has just breastfed and is about to knock off to sleep. There are definitely no goddess feelings here—just my PCOD kicking me hard, month after month, for the past two decades.

From Barbies to Deliverables: The Subliminal Genius of the Toy Industry

There is a reason why little girls were given doll sets to play with, along with houses for those dolls to live in. The truth is, women are fantastic when it comes to decorating their homes and looking after their real-life "dollies"—their kids. As I impulsively buy yet another Minecraft T-shirt and matching co-ord set for my son, along with watches and curios for the house, I find myself going back in time. I see my four-year-old self playing with Barbie dolls, organizing their cupboards, and doing their hair, makeup, and clothes.

Zoom out to the present day, and that is exactly what I am doing with my 7.5-year-old. I dress him up like a sparkly little kuttappan day in and day out, while impulsively filling my house with shiny, bright things. It all makes so much sense 39 years later.

Going by this logic, perhaps little boys play with cars and action figures because they must learn to navigate life expertly—both with and without Google Maps—on the road, in their offices, and at home. The action figures probably represent the need to take charge, be accountable, and take responsibility for all the "dead bodies" they line up. In this day and age, "dead bodies" likely translate to deliverables at the office and commitments to their partners and families.

The toy industry is genius when you think about it. For centuries, they have been subliminally passing down the message that women are nurturers, caregivers, and life-bringers, while men must take charge, lead the way, and bring clarity to every situation—both at home and at work.

And that is my Eureka moment for the day, ladies and gentlemen. Back to work now, chop-chop!

From Tsunamis to Calm Oceans: Tales of a Boy Mom

Contrary to popular belief, little boys are in fact as sensitive as, if not more sensitive than, little girls. Mine had a full meltdown yesterday after an entire day out with his bestie. As I was giving him a piece of my mind for opening his floodgates after spending more than half a day with his favourite tiny human, I could see his bestie's face falling as well. In that moment, I perhaps looked like Cruella de Vil to the kids—the Emma Stone version, to be exact.

As I let the tornado in my mind unleash on him and watched his tear-soaked face, the mom guilt kicked in hard. But what kicked even harder was the fact that this mini-man I created was as stubborn and pig-headed as me. 

He is so set in his ways he would put a freshly tarred road to shame. At 48 inches tall, his opinions and loyalty toward his bestie are massive. His bestie's feelings are exactly the same.

As we watched them wreak havoc from one room to the next, my mom friend and I questioned each other: "Which world have we entered?", "Do you think people will curse us?", "Oh my god, I don't see them, they're definitely going to be kidnapped now," and "I can't hear my own thoughts with all their chatter, can you?" 

Our sweet little angels are so wonderful to watch from a distance but a total disaster up close. But they are our disasters, and we will not rest until we turn them into calm, mighty oceans from the tsunamis they currently are.

Beneath the Smile: The Fire of Puss in Boots and Bubbles

I suppose half my life and perhaps less than half my career is done and dusted, which gives me knowledge. It is the knowledge to sniff out bullshit and pettiness, such as jealousy, attention-seeking, and other useless emotions. Of course, it took me a lot of time to see through people and understand their ways because I am a positive person in every situation—whether dealing with life or death. I simply move on and eventually smile about it.

Therefore, considering I am Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls in real life, villains are few and far between in my head. Similar to Bubbles, I am known for bringing joy, laughter, and insanity to my friends, family, and colleagues. However, also like Bubbles, I have an intense temper when provoked. If you annoy me in any way—be it through speech or action—I positively will punch your nose out and hand it to you in a bag to fix at the hospital.

I can no longer stand micromanagement, unnecessary commentary, suggestions, and opinions from all and sundry. I hand it right back to them like MJ’s "Smooth Criminal." You could also say I am Puss in Boots. I disarm "enemies" with my trademark "cute face" (wide eyes and dilated pupils), only to fiercely fight them the moment they drop their guard. Therefore, never judge a book by its cover. I am the book and the cover here, and I will bite.

So, keep your distance unless you are a very close friend, an acquaintance, or a family member who has managed to sneak your way into my heart. For everyone else, I am Puss in Boots and Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls. On that note, in the words of Bubbles, "I'm hardcore," and to quote Puss, "Fear me if you dare!"

Catwoman and the Porcelain Reality Check

I picked up a console table and a sweet, bespectacled-looking bunny to keep on top of it over the weekend. As I was staring at the face of the cute porcelain wonder and explaining to my mother with great enthusiasm how I’d convert the console table into an Alice in Wonderland theme, along came my child. He stared at the bespectacled face of the rabbit for ten seconds, looked at my face for the next five, and announced instantly, "Oh look, a bunny that looks like my maaamaa!"

Hearing that proclamation from him shattered the porcelain glass windows of my heart, which I had painted in multicolours. The beautiful illusion of youth I lived in was destroyed by my own 7.5-year-old creation. He walked straight back to his toys and screen after making this declaration, completely unbothered that my world had just ended. I sniffed and let it pass.

Meanwhile, my much-hyped prescription reading glasses finally got delivered yesterday afternoon. Suddenly, my headaches vanished as I stared at my laptop and mobile screens. I decided to video call my mother with the glasses on in the middle of work. One look at my face and she chuckled loudly, saying, "Aiiyyeeee, Teacher Gayatri!" I stopped working, stared at her laughing digital face, and blinked. Sigh! Approaching 40 is really biting me hard on my backside, front side, and especially on all sides of my face.

In other news, someone else mentioned that they look like "Catwoman" glasses when I shared a picture. So, I'm going to go with that. I'm not old; I'm Catwoman. Meow!

Now, let me ride into the sunset with my Catwoman glasses and conquer yet another day of work. The weekend is almost here, along with my Zepto order containing a ₹600 bar of Fabelle's dark kunafa chocolate. Let me munch on some now and continue being sprightly! Good day to you all, and happy almost weekend! Keep being sprightly, with or without reading glasses. Meow meow!

Once a Hanmerite, Always a Hanmerite: A Tribute to My First PR Family

Hanmer MSL, aka MSL India. How do I even begin putting into words what this place meant to me?

It was my first PR job and an organisation that understood my madness, encouraging me to be my unique self—broken screws in the head and all. I laughed, I cried, I ate, and occasionally, I secured media coverage for my clients and did media rounds. But mostly, working at Hanmer MSL felt like a home away from home. I found sisterhood, friendship, inspiring leaders, and interesting clients who pushed me to channel my creative energy into something productive. They taught me that there has to be some method to the madness. Every boss after my Hanmer MSL stint has called me meticulous and hardworking, and perhaps I owe Hanmer all the credit for that.

This company made me who I am today: crazy in the head, but sharp with my work. Perhaps I oversell myself now, but that is unfortunately a PR trait! After 16 years in the industry, I suppose I have learnt to position my personal brand better as well. Yet, deep down, I am still that overeating young Management Trainee hired by Beerendra Sir back in 2012, just with 16 years of experience now.

Afternoons at Hanmer MSL were spent playing on the office lawn. I say "home" because our office was inside a cozy house. Whenever there was a power cut, we would all head out to the lawn to play badminton, take pictures, or just chit-chat. Work and play went hand in hand, which is why the Hanmer MSL class of our era did so well later in their professional careers. We were taught to take everything with a pinch of salt and to smile through every crisis.

Senthamil Sir’s warm smile and sensational pitch presentations—where he completely owned the room and won over potential clients—motivated us to keep going. Vijay Sir was quiet, but when he did speak, you remembered every word with precision, like a crystal-clear glass bowl. Beerendra Sir was my biggest cheerleader and supporter; he pushed me to excel and trusted me with client after client, no questions asked.

Thank you, my dearest Hanmer MSL crew. How can I ever forget the organisation and the people who made me who I am? You are not just my former colleagues; you are family. My heart is always open to you, and there is a special corner where you all permanently reside. 

Once a Hanmerite, always a Hanmerite.

A Miniature Mass Hero is Born

My not-so-tiny baby decided to be a mass entertainer yesterday, following in the footsteps of Thala, Thalapathy, and Thalaivar. It started just as he was walking out of the door for school, right after creating his usual havoc at home. I looked at him and said, "Take your naughtiness elsewhere. You have no idea how nasty I was as a child."

To this, he turned around, scrunched up his eyebrows, and looked like a cross between the Chucky doll and the evil kid from The Omen and instantly replied, "I know, Maamaa. I can tell by your face that you were much more evil than me as a child." Before I could catch my breath and process his words, he ran down the stairs like an evil baby ghost, humming a strange tune. 

The next set of incidents happened at the eye hospital. I had to visit yesterday evening because I have been having difficulty reading lately, along with a splitting migraine. This was where my child really upped his game. From the nurses and the doctor to the fish swimming in the tank, he had everyone in his pocket with his constant chatter. All I could hear was the loud chuckling of various women across age groups, with my child right at the centre of it all.

Occasionally, he would walk over to kiss me and pet me on the head as if I were his pet hamster or puppy. He would whisper, "Are you okay, Maamaa? Do your dilated eyes hurt?"

Of course, the sweetness vanished when he called me "an old 50-year-old hag" while I tried on various frames. I was trying to place an order for my very first pair of prescription glasses. Cue the sound of my heart breaking so loudly that it could cause either a nationwide earthquake or a tsunami.

After 39 years and 5 months, I was finally going to wear glasses. Sigh! My body is slowly and steadily giving up on me. To wash this tragic feeling down, I made my mother buy me Sambar Vada and filter coffee at Vishranthi in Besant Nagar.

I felt much better as I ate my food. However, I felt even better finishing my son's poori and aloo with coconut chutney. Slurp! Thank God for good food—the instant saviour of life's various disappointments.

Beyond Porotta and Chicken Fry: A Culinary Journey Back to my Ammumma’s Kitchen

As a Malayalee settled in Chennai for close to three decades, I constantly miss the food from my late grandmother's kitchen. I long for the mild, coconut milk-infused fish gravies, the appams, porottas, pappadams, puttu, kadala curry, and parippu. I searched long and hard for authentic Malayalee food in Chennai, and Kappa Chakka Kandhari finally answered all my cravings.

One bite of their appam with fish moilee, and I was transported right back to my ammumma's house in Trivandrum. I felt like a fat five-year-old child again, greedily gulping down food at her dining table morning, noon, and night. It almost felt as though Ammumma were sitting right there, watching me eat with her serene smile. There were definitely tears of joy in my eyes, but I was too busy feeding both myself and my child to wipe them away.

The restaurant offers unique starters, main courses, and desserts, such as the Jackfruit Cutlet, Kandhari ice cream, and fried Pathiri. I was educated on the sheer variety of our cuisine right there at the table by both our enthusiastic, chatty waitress and my mother. I had no idea Malayalee food was so vast. There is a whole world outside of Kerala porotta and Naadan Chicken Fry, and I am only too happy to keep exploring it.

By the time we ended our meal with our ice cream desserts, the friendly waitress brought our bill. I greedily asked her to pack two portions of palada payasam. She chuckled and quickly obliged, updating our bill with the added items.

I went home with a nostalgia-filled heart and a very happy tummy. After a beautiful afternoon siesta, I woke up and drank 450ml of the palada payasam. I did give 50ml to my mum, though. Of course I share food—I'm not an animal!

If you are a Malayalee like me searching for an authentic, home-cooked meal, do head to Kappa Chakka Kandhari in Bangalore or Chennai. You will not be disappointed.