Angry Bird

Sometimes you talk to me like I don't have a brain,

Screeched my 5 year old after creating a slushy balcony stain,

His attempts to help,

Had my poor plant yelp,

Half its sandy home was splattered on my picture perfect balcony,

I looked at him like he had attempted a felony,

Killing plants should have tiny humans thrown in jail,

They should be kept far away from all living beings, for peace to prevail,

Always in the middle of every household chore,

And ready to go at war,

The minute an adult says no,

He creates quite a row.

Try

As I lay flat on my back,

I finally realised life's hack,

We try,

Every single day we try,

To get better, stronger, faster,

And try to master,

Better control of our body,

The walks get less wobbly,

The legs feel stronger,

The aching bits still make you falter,

But everyday,

You try, in different ways,

To get back on your feet,

And for that you deserve a treat.

Agree to Disagree

An entire month of slowing down,

Experiencing my body breaking down,

Determined to finally give up sugar and meat,

Lose the last six kilos and finally meet,

The 20 year old version of me,

And choose to agree,

That not all my feelings need to be shared,

Because no one really cares,

The world is different, people are colder,

Their hearts have been replaced with boulders,

They're not right or wrong,

I just don't have to agree or go along,

With their lack of warmth,

I'll just head north,

And continue being me.

Surgery #3

Every surgery makes you humble,

It reduces your need to grumble,

Grateful to the sweet anesthesiologist,

Who played the role of a psychologist,

He could see my petrified eyes,

And filled my ears with advise,

A constant pat on the head,

As I lay wide awake on that operating bed,

First time I've heard myself being operated upon,

It seemed like the hours dragged on and on,

I finally fell into a lull,

And began to feel dull,

As the anesthesia began to wear off,

The pain immediately threw me off,

A long sleepless night ensued,

With nurses who were rude,

As I finally left that golden cage,

I smelt the soothing sea breeze and instantly felt calm and sage.

Poop

It's all in the poop,

Never take for granted all that goop,

Poop too little,

And you might end up in a pickle,

Poop too much,

And you won't achieve a lot as such,

My most favourite hobby, has come to bite me in the ass,

At least I'm losing weight along with all that gas,

Bedridden, with a 5 year old to baby-sit me,

I'm able to see,

The world through his eyes,

Constantly subject to his baby advice,

I don't feel completely useless.

Woman Down

A whole week,

Of feeling utterly weak,

There's nothing you can do,

When your body gives up, except bid-adieu,

To the unwanted things growing inside you,

I try not to feel blue,

But the intertia of the past week,

Is making me feel bleak,

April is whizzing by in a blur of bad health,

I'm taking deep breaths,

And reassuring myself,

That I'll be back to normal,

Super soon.

Kidney Stones

Scan centers and doctor's clinics,

Enter only to exit as a relic,

The waiting period is tediously long,

And you realise all your calculations have gone wrong,

 

Are you from Chennai? Did you work abroad? Is that a cross tattooed on your arm? And what is your job? 

Were just some of the questions thrown my way, by the scan doctor's assistant,

The more I chuckled, the more he got persistent,

So I gave in to his curious questioning,

And suddenly realised how I must be threatening,

Blissfully quiet folks,

Who refuse to give me responses or laugh at any of my jokes,

Now my arm hurts,

So I'm just going to give into sleep, before it gets worse.

Summers

The Chennai summers have claimed it's first victim,

One week since my tum has been throwing a tantrum,

So I ran to the doctor, only to learn,

Good health has to be earned,

Not enough fibre, not enough water,

What in God's name are you eating, she made me ponder,

Chicken puffs from hot breads,

And steaming hot gaajar halwa to keep a cool head,

Not good enough apparently,

Summers are for clean eating and improving your tum's warranty,

I'm still down and out,

Nursing my painful tum with a pout.

Chilli Chicken

Broken soul, broken heart, broken bones,

Chilli chicken can solve all your groans,

This deep fried delight,

Has always helped me rewrite,

My mood in a jiff,

I just have to catch a whiff,

Of this childhood nostalgia drowning in soya sauce,

My mind instantly takes a pause,

I suddenly have the strength to conquer the world,

And handle anything that is hurled,

From unpleasant to disgusting,

I find myself readjusting,

My expectations of everything,

And suddenly I'm no longer carrying,

The weight of the world on my shoulders.

Devyani

Devyani and I, 

Could have married each other, in the blink of an eye,

She's sweet and romantic,

Thoughtful and empathetic,

We even look alike,

So do our kids, who look at each other with delight,

I eat her brain,

And she mine, come rain,

Or shine,

There's no one in the world, I'd rather go and whine,

We can talk for hours, on the same topic,

We look at it from every angle - philosophic and microscopic,

At the end of our banter,

We have no real answers, except that she understands me and I, her,

That's what  girlfriends are for,

Their emotional bandwith is stronger than Thor. 

Vacuum

An empty house,

A life without a spouse,

It's a hollow feeling,

Yet I'm a master at concealing,

My true feelings,

I numbed it out, for the longest time, under the pretext of healing,

Truth be told,

I'm completely sold,

On the concept of love,

For I experience it everyday, right here and from up above,

What's the point in living,

Without wholeheartedly giving,

I have another adventure left in me,

And hopefully I'll find a love, as breathtaking as the sea.

Hospitals

An assortment of people,

Couples, the elderly and little people,

The little ones show obvious resistance,

The elderly oblige as per their doctor's insistence,

You're always called an entire hour early,

Ensuring that by the time you leave, you're crabby and surly,

The steady buzz of conversation flows,

Whether you're feeling high or low,

I've thankfully had good doctors,

You could call them amusing talkers,

I just find the waiting ghastly,

And well past me.

Early Morning Dips

An hour long dip,

Is quite a trip,

Provided you don't have a whole day of work,

I'd rather lurk,

Under my bedcovers,

Than stare at my work leftovers, 

Super sleepy,

And trying not to be weepy,

As my Teams messenger goes ping, ping, ping,

I want to mute out the dings,

And bury myself in bed,

Nighty nighty says my head.

Strange World

It's a strange world we live in,

We're encouraged to keep our feelings buried deep in,

Open up a little,

And you're belittled,

We're expected to feel less,

And speak less,

Open up your heart,

And you're considered less smart,

I don't recognise this world,

For I'm from an older world,

My heart will always be big,

Not fickle like a helpless twig,

I'll fall down and rise up,

I'll always be a storm in a cup,

All heart, 

Right from the start.

Bye Bye Baby

Missing my little boy already,

I'm not sure if I'm ready,

To live in an eerily quiet house,

Without a tiny person asking me a million doubts,

Why, why and why,

Twenty four hours just fly,

Answering his endless questions,

And listening to his old man suggestions,

No clay dough boxes to trip over,

No one to ask me, if my work is over,

No one to read bed time stories to,

Who knew,

I was going to miss the chaos this much,

Suddenly, everything in the house yearns 

for my baby's touch.

Ticking Timebomb

You know what's worse than vomiting,

Projectile vomiting,

And my son is quite an expert in the act,

He can keep at it, until he's completely smacked,

He has zero immunity,

We're at the hospital at every given opportunity,

He's tired of looking at his doctor's face,

And she's all too familiar with his case,

Picky eater, lots of chatter,

An aggressive diary and sugar whacker,

Raising a toddler is hardwork,

Only 20 years to go and hopefully life will be less berserk.

My Little Squirt

Just when I think I'll miss my little squirt,

He lets out oceans of puke, that luckily splattered far away from my flowery skirt,

I was gloomy just a second ago,

Wondering how I'll live in an empty house, with no toddlers to show,

As I started cleaning up the contents of his tum,

I began to feel less and less glum,

Maybe this time off, is not a bad idea after all,

An occasional call,

Just to see his toothless smile,

From a few thousand miles,

Might just be the break that I deserve,

Let him drive other people nuts and get on their nerves,

I'm happy to be temporarily relieved from mommy duties.

Grief

What grief did to me,

Was set me free,

I no longer want to be polite,

Or put up a fight, 

For pretences,

You live and you die, on the very same day, I wonder why this isn't common sense,

My grief heightened my senses,

I began to wear different lenses,

There are moments when I feel completely alone,

And I try my best not to groan,

Things could have been worse,

My life is not such a curse,

One day, I'll be completely happy,

Until then, I'll try not to be snappy.

Opinions

Opinions are like farts,

You must part,

With them, the minute something unpleasant is said,

Give it zero space in your head,

Lest you drive yourself mad,

Forget about it and you will be glad,

No one's opinion should matter to you,

Except yours,

Slipknot did say people = shit,

Now you know why, some days you take a hit,

Others, you fly by,

So don't bother asking why,

When stupid opinions are passed,

Allow it to leave your mind fast. 

Ada Pradhaman

Childhood in a bowl,

This milky dessert has captured my soul,

Milk, sugar and ada,

You can't look at it and say, you'll have nada,

My first slurp of this heavenly delight,

Was on a sadhya leaf, when the tum was far from light,

My heart was a goner in the first lick,

My mouth was quick,

To ask for a second, third and fourth serving,

By now, the tum was working overtime and churning,

The already existing contents of the sadya,

That's the whole point of sadyas,

You eat and overeat, from start to finish,

So that the rest of the day you can diminish,

By eating, sleeping and farting, in no particular order.

Home Alone

Home alone for the next three weeks,

Without my hyperactive bundle, has my heart in erratic beats,

No 25,000 calls a day from my parents,

Bang in the middle of my busiest and most tense moments,

The thought of being left alone,

For the next three entire weeks, is leaving me forlorn,

Nothing to look forward to at the end of a work day,

They'd be close to 5000 miles away, 

What am I supposed to do,

Except feel blue,

All alone, so alone,

In a big empty house, I'll be home alone. 

Life

Drowning myself in work,

Seemed like the only way to make my hellish life work,

Slowly and steadily, the pain eased,

Yet, there are moments when I feel my heart being squeezed,

I am me, yet not fully me,

I will never be free,

From the memories of the past,

Which were both beautiful and vast,

I found love and peace,

It was brutally brief,

Before I could grapple with what went down,

I felt myself going down,

Drowning in sorrow,

Hardly a person, completely hollow,

But the laughter of the boy who once lived,

Egged me on to live,

Perhaps it is his love,

From up above,

That has propelled me on,

The darkness quickly gave way to dawn,

I am still me,

With a range of emotions, as chaotic as the sea.

My Empathetic Little One

"Go ahead and do your work mumma",

Says my little one with a little ummah,

On my shoulder,

"I'll work on a cool laptop too, when I'm older",

He mutters under his breath,

My weakness and my strength,

My little boy,

With his endless demand for toys,

"Show me the money you made today mumma",

He says with another ummah,

"I love my mumma very much",

"She makes the money for my monthly toys", he says with a gentle touch,

Or with a mega hug, 

That involves running off the bed and throwing himself on me like a thug,

What would I do without my baby boy,

He keeps me sane, despite his fixation for a million toys. 

Toddlers

No one can love you,

And hate you, 

And love you all over again,

On the same day, without so much as twitching a vein,

They're melodramatic and calm,

Their moods, like a ticking time bomb,

Tears are shed like waterfalls,

Alongside ear-shattering bawls,

They're not evil,

Their love for you is pure, think Vin Diesel,

From the Pacifier,

Their tiny hearts merely desire,

Undivided attention from you,

They will pursue you,

Until you put everything aside and cuddle them, 

It's a win-win, for you'll both instantly feel less glum. 

XS Hair, XL Face

What was my barber thinking,

With his razor sharp scissors and excessive blinking,

As he chopped off all my hair,

Did he want to make me look like a baby bear,

The bangs are nice and long,

But the sides are all wrong,

I suddenly look like a very confused woman, 

Who could pass off to be a man,

My big round cheeks,

Are no longer playing hide and seek,

Under my neatly fallen hair,

Instead there's only air,

And no protection from the big bad world,

They've been unfurled,

In all their round glory,

I can't wait for them to be a forgotten story,

Under my bouncy little bob,

That no longer is a bob,

I self soothe, by convincing myself it's just hair,

It will grow back, faster than climbing stairs. 

Unrequited Feelings

Unrequited feelings are like digging into mutton biryani minus the pieces,

Your heart will always be in teeny-tiny pieces,

Will you ever get a piece or not,

Your mind is always in knots,

Dump that biryani before further damage to the soul,

As it is you have deep gaping holes,

You've somewhat managed to fill them,

Now why search for non-existent stems,

You marinated the mutton enough,

It still wants to be cold and tough,

Let that biryani go,

Perhaps it wants to be eaten by other crows.

Bailey's

Chocolate, original, strawberry, espresso and hazelnut,

Every flavour drives me nuts,

I fell in love with this decadent drink,

In a blink,

It was greed at first sip,

And then it never left my lips,

22 blissful years,

With this bottle, she's always lent me a patient ear,

Of course, Bailey's is a woman,

Sweet, but packs a punch, a burst of flavours, far from wooden,

Almost missed my brother's wedding in its entirety, 

Because I was lying blissfully drunk in various corners of the house, 

Much to my mother's annoyance,

I appeared joyous,

Despite her verbal thrashing,

And non verbal thrashing,

Which had no effect on me apparently,

I was fast asleep and quite pleasantly,

My bottle of Bailey's and I,

We've always seen eye to eye,

She's seen me though my teens,

And always been behind the scenes,

Through smiles and tears,

My Bailey's has stuck with me through the years. 

Beauty and the Beast

The greatest love story of all time,

Evergreen time after time,

A love story between woman and beast,

He decided to tie his unruly hair up in a bow, at the very least, 

She opened up to him about her fears,

And he gave her an empathetic ear,

They held on to each other,

Without a bother,

And care in the world,

People's opinions, they shunned and turned,

A blind eye,

Alas, it was time for the Beast to say bye,

But Beauty's love for him,

Ensured his chances of death were slim,

The greatest love story of all time,

Evergreen, time after time.

Space

What is space, when you're a toddler mom?

The house is always in the middle of a storm,

The chatter is endless,

The supply of love is boundless,

So topics like space and silence,

Sounds like creating unnecessary distance,

Hop on boats whole-heartedly,

Or not at all, anything in-between is an anomaly,

Take your big heart,

Along with all those thoughts and keep creating art,

One day, you'll find someone appreciating the strokes of your brush,

Until then, relax, breathe it all in and don't be in a rush,

Good things take time,

Like a cuckoo clocks chime.

Goodbyes

The worst goodbyes,

Are the ones where you didn't even get to say hi,

Nice and proper,

Blink and it's over, like a speedy chopper,

You're left scratching your head,

Wondering what you could have said,

To stay in that moment a little longer,

It's best to not linger,

Over memories of the past,

However great they were, for it did not last,

So pack up your feelings, 

Focus on healing,

Only things that are meant to stay,

Will stay,

Move along, there's nothing left to see,

Unburden your heart and feel free,

Make space for the right ones,

Who will love you tons. 

Mothers

Mothers, mine to be specific,

Has always been a critic,

Go to her with a problem,

And she'll sound far from solemn,

First, you'll receive a whack,

Next, she'll tell you, to stand up for yourself and have a better knack,

For judging people and situations,

Minimize your communications,

Think before you speak,

This is the right technique,

To deploy in all situations, 

This will better your relations,

At home, work and with your son,

I've seen her soften, only for both her grandsons,

For her own kids, it was always,

"You break my curios, I'll break your bum in many ways",

She's a tough one, my mom,

Even when a million bombs burst around her, she's calm. 

Toddler Meltdowns

Woke up quiet as a mouse,

Scurried around like a thief in my own house,

Just as I begin to relieve my bladder,

My bundle lets out a blood-curdling wail, sounding madder and madder,

"How dare you wake up mumma?",

He scratches on my bathroom door without a pause or a comma,

When I step out, I'm greeted with more screams,

And twisted schemes,

"You should have woken me up!",

He rattles on, like a toy that's wound-up, 

The next fight brews post bath,

I didn't do the math,

Of tying up the nada of his track pants,

He wanted to do it all by himself he rants,

"It needs two tugs",

"Not three, you nasty old girl", at this point I wished I had earplugs,

Toddler meltdowns,

There's no need to feel down,

At some point they zip it,

And slowly admit,

To being clowns,

Now I'm off to work, back to resetting my crown,

All is well with the world,

Until the next toddler meltdown is unfurled. 

New Mom

It's hard being a new mom,

You're suddenly handed a human atom bomb,

Pregnancy was hard,

The labour pain threw you off guard,

The creature you've given birth to,

Is always howling and blue,

You've suddenly become a human cow,

And you're wondering how you ever allowed,

Such a thing to happen, 

The sleepless nights and days make you feel like a restless komodo dragon,

When will this tiny creature stop crying,

Despite you supplying,

An endless amount of milk and comfort,

The first three months are blurry and filled with discomfort,

The next three are triumphant,

You get the hang of motherhood somewhat,

Just when you thought you aced it all,

Comes a fever or a cough to make you fall,

Between the postpartum depression and the sleepless nights,

You realise life as you know it has reached a different height,

You watch your heart walking outside your body,

And you whisper in his ear, you can be anybody,

Mumma will always be by your side,

In this crazy ride.

Emotional Eating

Food drowns out pain,

And evokes joy, pakodas in the rain,

Ice cream for heartbreaks,

Mountains of steak,

Just because, you heard someone say protein intake,

Is better than stuffing yourself with mounds of cake,

The truth is, you can't drive away your sadness,

Or shoo away the darkness,

With food,

That's no good,

Put the emotional eating away,

Sit with your pain and it will go away,

Let it hit you like daggers,

Then focus on the things that matter,

Let the runners run,

There's nothing you could have done or undone,

In the meantime, skip the emotional eating,

It's self-defeating.

Appuppan

The glue that held our family together,

With him by our side, any storm we could weather,

My days were incomplete,

If one crazy fight was not complete,

Involving glasses of liquor being thrown,

Or food not being left alone,

More a friend, than a grandfather,

Appuppan was unlike most grandfathers,

He taught us swear words in Malayalam,

And introduced us to food that would have easily made its way to Instagram,

He was crazy and unique and fun,

He filled our lives with warmth, similar to the rays of the sun,

Twenty years since he's been gone,

Life has undergone,

Drastic changes,

But I'll always be appuppan's Gayu through the ages. 

Soulful Cooking

A soul of a person can be captured in a well cooked dish,

You can taste the chef's every aspiration and wish,

When food is cooked with love,

It tastes heavenly and from above,

There's a difference between food that's machine made,

And hand made,

Especially when it comes to desserts,

The flavour and the wholesome goodness of the ingredients, capture all your senses at first,

Next, your mouth begins cooing a satisfied tune,

You find yourself over the moon,

This is love in its purest form,

Just you and your raspberry cheesecake, that makes you feel all warm,

That burst of sweet cloud mixed with the Graham cracker,

Has finally put an end to all banter,

Silence and more silence,

Is the only thing you require to polish off that gorgeous slice of resplendence. 

Powerful Mondays

Mondays, they either bring you down,

Or leave you feeling like you deserve a crown,

After the lull of the weekend,

You're forced to plug back in, with full guns blazing from all ends,

Monday is a strange mixture of happiness,

And anxiousness,

You feel like a fresher straight out of college,

Who has limited knowledge,

On how to behave,

What if you dig your own grave,

Oh wait, I do that everyday,

Monday through Sunday,

Despite the leg kicks under the table,

And signals to shut up and leave, I'm simply unable,

To be diplomatic or politically correct,

Lesson learnt, I announce, if I want to say something nasty and then I'm told to either change the subject,

Or dive right in,

My heart's always been on my sleeve, I speak from within,

Not a great trait,

On weary/powerful Mondays when folks are just beginning to think straight. 

The Beach

Happy childhoods are created on beaches,

As the water thrashes,

One majestic wave after wave on the shore,

And the waves crash and roar,

You find yourself getting pulled,

Into the magical foams that have cooled,

Your mind and body,

With your wind-blown hair and soaking wet clothes, you suddenly look shoddy,

Look around you, the ocean doesn't care,

How you look and what you wear,

Make merry and laugh,

Your worries would have melted by now, in half,

Beaches, a magical place,

That urges you to slow down and momentarily forget the rat race. 

My Sweet Little Boy

My sweet little boy,

Who took refuge in his toys,

When days got weird and dark,

He never lost his spark,

He had some clue,

Of the life changing events unfolding around him, and he seemed blue,

Each time he witnessed an adult having a  meltdown,

He looked upset and down,

At two years old,

He could sense the chill and the cold,

Of darkness and death,

That took away everyone's breath,

Over two years down,

He's forgotten most of what ensued and is quite a clown,

I'm not sure if I'm giving him a happy childhood,

I had to roll up and become two parents overnight,

I drowned myself at work,

And decided to make it work,

This is our situation and it's not a bad one,

I've hopefully instilled in my son,

The importance of never backing down or giving up,

Life is never pefect, it's random and abrupt,

We'll face it all,

And always stand tall.

Headspace

How do you pull yourself out of a dark headspace,

Give yourself space,

And keep pace with the demons in your head,

Talk to them, take the lead, 

Allow yourself to feel all the pain,

Make friends with your sadness, you have much to gain,

Revisit the moments that cut you in half,

Over and over again, until you can laugh,

One day, you'll look back and feel proud,

That you disallowed,

Your sorrow to take over your life,

It was nothing but a passing cloud that caused some strife,

You're still you,

Just less blue, you suddenly have the choice of starting life anew,

Make bold choices,

Tune out all the white noises,

You've made it this far,

So keep raising the bar.

The Water

I took to water, like fish to the sea,

It's the only place, I feel free,

Unburdened from worldly responsibilities,

I must've been a big fat whale, pooping and farting as I pleased,

Not a care in the world,

Just a tummy to fill, inside a cool blue waterworld,

It's highly unlikely I was a mermaid,

Look at the figure on that thing, I'm full fat, food and sweet liqueur made,

On a serious note,

I vote,

For an hour long swim,

Each time you feel low, stressed or burdened to the brim, 

Your worries flow away with the water,

Lap after lap, gives you time to ponder,

On what went wrong and what didn't,

When you emerge out of the water you feel coherent,

Life must flow,

Just like water, there's only so much you can control and know,

So hold your breath and breathe underwater,

Try not to eat like a pig, post that swim and you may even look hotter.  

Five Almonds

I once met this gorgeous bald headed uncle,

Who had no trouble,

Staying fit,

His techniques were a hit,

Even the trainers took lessons from him,

He advised me; eating five Almonds a day, is a sure shot way to stay trim,

"Guess my age?", he asked one day,

"50", I replied, without delay,

He chuckled and said, "I'm 60, dear girl",

"Eat five almonds everyday, to make your face look radiant like a pearl"

So I've been eating those five almonds everyday,

To keep my weight at bay,

The one commonality between uncle and me,

Is the lack of hair, mine are ready to flee,

From my crown everyday,

But I'm eating those five almonds everyday.

Shopping with Mommy

Shopping with Mommy,

Is no tomfoolery, 

She will ensure a hole in your wallet,

And she's unwilling to call it,

Quits, until she finds the perfect shoe, bag or dress, 

Minus the stress,

She can fit an entire roadside fair,

Or a mall inside her Calonge handbag, to be fair,

She has a great eye for clothes and household decor,

She's happy to explore,

A million shops for a painting or a vase,

A bedsheet or a new lamp, for she will find space,

In her curio cluttered house,

That has zero space for even a mouse,

How anyone can shop like this, is a mystery,

Your wallet is sure to bite dust and warn you of history,

Shop with Mommy,

And you'll experience the equivalent of a human tsunami.

Mini-Me

My sweet little baby,

Who refuses to sleep without me and drives me crazy,

Today, he's all grown up, with two little wings,

Not kidding about the wings,

He's a firefly,

Just about to take the stage and deliver a few lines without feeling shy,

He's bold as brass,

Naughtiest in his class,

How fast did my little one grow,

Where did all the time go,

Just yesterday I gave birth to a pre-term baby,

And today he's all set to light up the stage with his crazy,

He's a loony one,

My little fellow, his idea of fun,

Is strange and absurd,

Most of his games will have you feeling dizzy and blurred,

On one hand, he still scratches the bathroom door while I'm having a bath,

On the other, he's already carving his own path,

He's an odd mixture of baby and mini-man,

His mind always filled with devious plans,

Blink and you'll find toilet paper ripped all over the floor,

Turn and you'll find a toy inside the flush, but who is keeping score,

I'm off to watch my firefly take stage,

I'll try not to shed a tear from backstage.