Online Homework

Online homework, the biggest man-made catastrophe,

My 6 year old and I failed disastrously,

Trying to complete one that came in last afternoon,

The words on screen made him swoon,

A shaky lip,

And a twist to his baby hips,

Yet, the homework remained undone,

Repeating each letter and word 100 times together, was far from fun,

Who knew a language could perplex my boy this much,

The laptop he attempted to clutch,

Letters and words pronounced all wrong,

We kept at it for very, very long,

The first homework in his life,

That caused him so much strife,

Conquer we will, this language,

We will surely unpack this baggage,

Online homework, the biggest man-made catastrophe,

My 6 year old and I will try our best to not fail so disastrously.

My Not So Little Bean

A cross between a grandfather and a baby,

My little bean grew up in the midst of all things crazy,

Life and death,

He's seen them all in one breath,

His humour is dark,

His chatter is always on mark,

A hug can solve anything,

Is his motto for everything,

He cuddles and squishes heads with his bare hands,

His love and his anger, all grand,

There's no balance to his actions,

Once he's made up his mind, he doens't give in to distractions,

Stubborn and playful,

His emotions are as wide as his toys, that you can find in trayfuls,

A cross between a grandfather and a baby,

My little bean grew up in the midst of all things crazy.

Forgiveness

I've seen quite a bit of the world at almost 39. I've experienced strange opinions, people and situations. The commonality I draw in all three, is to forget and forgive. Life is really fragile and unexpected. One moment I was walking up a hill in Raheja Vihar, Mumbai and the next I was rushing to Bombay Hospital to bring my dead 35 year old husband's body back home.

A lot has changed in these 4 years. Cities, people and my life. I'm still kept on many people's speed dials the moment a young spouse, sibling, nephew or niece pass away. I'm that girl now, the one who is an expert on death. Not really though. You learn how to handle your grief and mood better, with time. 

In the same light, people also suddenly assume they can advice you on everything and nothing. Honestly, the only thing you can do is ignore it and walk away for your own peace of mind. I no longer cut people out, because one minute you're alive and the next you're dead. So there's no point holding onto grudges 

Stay calm in the face of unsolicited advice. Whether it's career or personal advice. You know your skills best, you know your family and close friends best. And the ones who run, were never meant to stay in the first place.

There are numerous faces that come to mind now, when I was exploding my widow brains out of proportion. And the good news is, they all chose to stay.

So that's all you can do. Be authentic, not a people pleaser. Be vocal, yet polite. And those who are triggered by you, will anyway step aside. 

Coming back to opinions now and unsolicited advice. Treat it like a fart or a stray dog barking endlessly. Take what's relevant and flush out the rest. And forgive those who natter, just for the sake of nattering. It's simply a childhood trauma or an adulthood insecurity that they are projecting onto you. Let it go and move on. 

It's time to give a Ted talk or write another book. I can feel either one of these happening now. 

The moral of this very true life story is, don't allow a trigger to trigger you, unless you're super duper triggered. And even then, take 20 steps back, take a deep breath and ponder about how this will really make a difference to your life in the first place. You'll realise nothing is truly worth it, except your own peace of mind. So safeguard it, inside an airtight vault. And you're good to go. Forever! 

Boundless Energy

Boundless his energy,

From one game to the next, he plays endlessly,

Minutes turn into hours, 

His energy keeps gaining special powers,

Endless the chatter,

You can't beat his natter,

As I recover from one crazy game,

He's already onto the next, like a growing flame,

He's happiest at home,

Or inside large play zones, where he loves to roam,

The crazy almost seven,

They say these years are heaven,

I wonder which heaven has endless games,

Loud baby chatter, mad running and boarddgames,

I'm beyond exhausted by the end of the day,

Hopefully these crazy years are not here to stay.

Toxic Positivity

Recently someone called me pessimistic and told me that I must look forward to the new year. That's the thing about toxic positively. We don't have to celebrate the shit show our life displays at times and keep taking it in our stride.

On the contrary, it's good to grieve and see the mess that it is. Acknowledge the situation, accept it and move on. When a person vents, allow him or her to vent.

It's not sensitive or appropriate, to look him or her in face and say, "Oh! But a 100 people would want to be in your shoes." Really? Who wants a dead husband at 34? Any winners? No? That's what I thought.

Of course I'm pessimistic and wary. Life has challenged me and challenged me, until the point I've wanted to give up. I wake up every morning and keep at it, not because of courage or strength. Because I simply have to. And that is that. 

So anyone who tells you to be toxically positive, the next time you vent, simply hang up or politely smile and nod. No one understands your struggles except you. 

Perhaps this is yet another lesson for me, to not vent with all and sundry. It's a waste of time and effort. It makes you feel even more misunderstood.

Peace! ☮️

Timing

Just as I was wrapping my head around being a mother, was the time I lost my partner of close to 13 years. The timing was horrible. 

I felt like a resident of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, taking a nice early morning dump. But instead of enjoying my morning session, an atomic bomb was dropped on my head.

Perhaps my 2 year old had to grow up very quickly. I could hardly be human, forget parenting. It completely took a backseat as I focused on rebuilding the broken pieces of our life.

I worked just like my late husband would had he been alive - relentlessly and without a break. Within 2 years, I was rushed to the hospital for breathlessness and fatigue. That was clearly not a good plan.

And so I decided to course correct. Now, I work and parent, juggling both like a headless chicken. Mother's can never have it all, especially working mothers. We have deadlines to meet at work and tests to catch up with in school.

My weekdays are all over the place. I have no idea when it begins and when it ends. The weekends just fly by, before I can breathe in a warm glass of cocoa. 

I also try to stay in shape and kill myself in the process. What a tiring life this is. I hear menopause is just around the corner, or is it a decade away. Time will tell I suppose.

Send sugar free chocolates and prayers, my child and I need them. 

2025

What a bummer of a year it has been,

From where do I begin,

Underwhelmed, disappointed and shocked,

These were the emotions that flocked,

Unsolicited advice being the most annoying of the lot,

Let me write my own plot,

I've done it so far,

And got this far,

So please keep your wisdom to yourself,

In the far corners of your own brain's shelf,

4 years of single parenting,

4 years of lamenting,

Whether I'm failing with the biggest job role of my life,

Perhaps this feeling of strife,

Is simply a waste of time,

He is at his prime,

Utterly naughty and full of ideas,

A saint and a thug,

All rolled in one,

No longer a little bun,

Here's hoping for a better 2026,

Where everything would eventually click.