Pani Season

The sun's never out during the Pani season,

Everyone's coughing and sneezing for no reason,

Where did all that must come from,

We wonder, as we experience our brains growing numb,

Bright as light days are replaced,

With a perennial fog, that has us feeling amazed,

The typical Chennaites that we are,

We continue wearing summer clothes like superstars,

And then we complain about itchy throats,

As we croak,

Most mornings i sound like a broken record,

My voice chords,

All muffled up, 

Someone even asked whether I've manned up,

On a late evening call,

I chuckled nonstop, perhaps sounding like an unpleasant squall,

Pani season in Chennai,

Has us all feeling like unguided Samurais,

Perhaps we like it, perhaps we don't,

Yet none of us want to get off our warm-headed thrones. 

Trauma Bonds

Just as painful as the name sounds, trauma bonds are are those unpleasant memories that you create and hoard in your head, until the end of time.

These people and events are played on loop in your head and it slowly and steadily chips away at your confidence and peace of mind. Trauma bonds appear in the form of vivid dreams or a sudden memory recall. And in those moments, it's totally normal to feel down and out. 

The important thing is to allow that feeling to pass, accept the situation as it is and keep moving forward. 

I'm a strong believer of karma. I believe that what you put out into the world, both good and bad, will come back to haunt you. It can be anger, jealousy, hatred, love, a sense of competition, protectiveness, these thoughts and feelings that you project onto another person will come back to you with full force. 

So when you dream that sweet, vivid dream at 4.30 in the morning, accept the harsh reality of it not being true. Allow yourself to feel like shit for a good hour or two and then get on with your day. 

While the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is merely an urban legend, you can always create your pots of gold in tiny pockets. Hold onto those pockets, stop brooding like a Vampire and get on with your life. Stat!

The Battle Of The Sexes

The most irrelevant of all battles, the world has witnessed over centuries is most definitely the battle of the sexes. Recently someone looked me quite rudely on the face and declared, "You like bad boys. But you don't like the repurcessions that come along with trying to maintain any sort of equation with the bad boy"

He was right of course, regarding my fondness for bad boys. He was grossly incorrect with the second part of that sentence, my dead husband being case in point. He was a rebel with and without a cause. Close to 13 years and one child later, it's safe to say, of course I know how to maintain relationships, of every kind.

In hindsight I realise the following should have been my reply to him. "You like independent, self-made women, but don't like the fact that she comes with a sharp mind and tongue that she uses at will"

The whole concept of Adam and Eve has been diluted with time, thanks to ridiculous apps and just the fact that people are impatient and don't want to put in the time and effort, to build something long lasting.

Therefore, the battle of the sexes is as irrelevant as the skies trying to survive without the sun and moon. Men and women are two sides of the same coin. They have to come together to create something fruitful for themselves and ultimately for the world around them.

I prefer having a healthy debate with an opiononated human being, irrespective of the sex, as opposed to someone spineless who just chooses to ghost you.

The lack of spine that you display, will ultimately come to bite you back really hard on the ass. And in that moment, I hope you decide to either quickly grow a spine or just take accountability for everything you've ever put out into the world.

Let's be the generation that ends the battle of the sexes. Let's accept that everyone is important and plays a part in this world. Let's give and receive love and respect. 

Peace! ☮️

Icecreams for World Peace

Choose icecreams on a sunny day,

Pounce on it, on a muggy day,

As well,

And you will find, all is indeed well,

Sore throats and moody weathers are temporary,

Icecreams however, are forever, so reach out for that diary,

Or non-diary, whatever rocks your boat,

Eat one today and feel your brain gloat,

Over all the things you did right,

Despite your plight,

Forget and forgive, those who pissed you off,

It's time to cut out and shut off,

Those negative thoughts,

Instead focus on that creamy delight that's exploding in your mouth, like a piece of molten lava, hot, hot, hot,

Grab an icecream today,

And feel better in every way. 

Vulnerability is Cool

Let's take a moment to appreciate that scene in Lokah, where Neeli/Chandra bids adieu to Sunny. This badass, undefeatable, invincible immortal being hugging a puny, fragile human with tears forming in both her eyes, as she watches him walk away.

What this teaches us is that being human is an excellent choice, even if you're superhuman. Crying and being vulnerable are the best human emotions. Sometimes we cry tears of sadness, sometimes it's out of joy and at other times it's out of sheer frustration.

But I'd choose crying over bottling all that emotion up and bursting like a pressure cooker. If you have deep rooted anger issues, it simply means that you've bottled up your feelings for far too long.

All that pain needs a place to go. If you hold it in, it will come to bitch slap you, in the most unexpected of places and times. Therefore to avoid being a pressure cooker human being, it's crucial to let it all out.

Crying works best for me. At times screaming too. Life is hard. Let's accept this reality for one second. You weren't born to eat, work and die. You were born to enjoy your time on earth and do things that make you truly happy.

Unfortunately we have bills to pay and in my case a child to raise, hence we give in to the monotony of a 9-6 and get on with it.

But somewhere in that process, it's important to take time out to feel all your feelings. Close to 4 years since my husband passed away and I've let myself feel all those feelings. This is a shit situation and I've made the best of it, thanks to an army backing me up every step of the way.

Going back to that powerful scene now, let's takeaway from it that even a superhuman needed to feel human and craved love during all her centuries of being alive.

Love is the oil to every human wheel. We need to be well oiled at all times. And there's no shame in admitting that you need someone to hold your hands through it all. 

Kudos to the makers of Lokah to have made an all heart, subtle, yet powerful vampire movie. It was much, much needed. 

Empower Yourself

Empower yourself, mind, body and soul,

So that you feel whole,

Empower yourself, so that you have the courage,

To walk away from a barrage,

That is disrespectful,

Have the courage to move on from people and situations that are uneventful,

Empower yourself, so that you recognise those who value you,

Just as you are, truer than true,

Speak your truth, loud and proud,

Empower yourself, so that you're comfortable without a crowd,

Empower yourself, just for you,

So that you can chew,

Bitter pills, when it's strewn,

Empower yourself, so that you can recognise goons,

They come in all shapes and forms,

Empower yourself, so that you can withstand the swarm,

Walk away and never look back,

That's life's ultimate hack,

Empower yourself, mind, body and soul,

So that you feel whole.

The Monsoons

I always wish for these last four months, to go away,

Wet and muddy, each step taken we have to be wary,

A slip of the leg and a fall on the bum,

We don't want broken bones, everytime we hum,

Umbrellas and rains,

Such a pain, with only gloom to gain,

I prefer the angry months of April and May,

When the gorgeous heat comes out to play,

Lots of swimming,

A whole lot of winning,

I'm a Chennai girl through and through,

The rain just makes me feel blue.

Moving Forward

Life is a series of moving forward,

Forgetting every bitter experience without glancing backward,

The brightest sun,

Of my life has always been my son,

Every leap of faith ever taken was and is for him,

For him, I put aside all my sorrows and look less grim,

The best part of me,

Has always been my little bee,

He's pulled me out of my sorrow,

And made me feel less hollow,

So leave behind every bitter experience,

Allow time to cause it's disappearance,

Chin up and ownwards we march.

10 Minute Homework

A potato had to be made,

40 minutes before school, our minds completely slayed,

No chart paper, no stick,

The path to complete this project seemed full of hazardous tricks,

Slowly the solution appeared inside my mommy brain,

The materials slowly began to rain,

All around us,

An icecream stick, to help us sort this fuss,

A gift bag, 

Would make the perfect chart, and we're back on track,

Crayons on paper,

Along with Riaan's imagination and mild labour,

Concluded our 10 minute homework,

The morning havoc,

Turned to calm,

In an embrace we held each other, happy to have diffused yet another bomb,

All in a day's work,

Until the next homework begins to lurk.

Gloomy Skies

Dark the skies,

As gloomy as my sad sighs,

As we head into your favourite part of the year,

I remember you grinning from ear to ear,

As we stepped into a Pujo Pandel,

Your excitement I couldn't handle,

You would have turned 39 this year,

Yet another year,

That I've grown older without you,

Funny how the years just flew,

The emptiness inside me, growing larger everyday,

As I operate with a broken heart day by day,

Almost 4 years since you've been gone,

I'll always wonder what went wrong,

Perhaps my love for you wasn't enough,

Why else would you have chosen a life this tough,

As I live with the weight of your decisions in life and long after your death,

I realise the one thing I should be grateful for is all my breaths,

I hope you have some regrets now,

And realise that some of your life choices were far from wow.

Matcha

Matcha was had, and it wasn't bad,

It made us happy and not sad,

As the boba pearls burst inside my mouth,

I gobbled it down like a being who was greedy and uncouth,

Little flavour bombs of custard,

My brain was flustered,

What was this heaven,

That was taking me right upto midheaven,

The boba bits and I,

Looked eye to eye,

In my tummy you will reside,

So glad I had this before I could die,

Ecstatic that I didn't stop Devyani from placing an order,

Suddenly my mind files opened up in disorder,

Memories of my dead husband slurping down boba pearls flashed past me,

It's crazy how that man never lets me be,

Even on a Friday evening when I was trying to let my hair down,

With my girlfriend, with whom I'd paint the town,

Red, blue, green and every other nonsensical drunk colour,

And that's exactly what we did, until we were far from sober. 

3AM Thoughts

Similar to PCOD pain,

That comes in waves, 3AM thoughts, can never give you any gains,

For the PCOD, pop a dolo,

For the 3AM thoughts, decode it solo,

Acting on those rabid thoughts,

Will only make you feel at fault,

So drop it all,

Lest you fall,

Just like Humpty Dumpty, who also had a great fall,

It's natural to feel appalled,

To have such thoughts,

As long as you have the ability to connect the dots,

And decide to be a mature adult, yet another day,

You're not best friends with shades of grey,

So let it fade away,

Oh look, it's a bright new day,

The sun's out,

Time to get get our bums out,

Shoo and scram, dark thoughts,

It's time for me to soak up some Vitamin D, beautiful yellow and blistering hot. 

Pancakes

Made luscious pancakes at seven,

My house suddenly smelt like heaven,

The baby ate half,

I ate the rest and felt like a calf,

More like a balloon,

After licking up chocolate sauce in galloons,

No wonder my weight is stuck,

And my mind goes on a rut,

Why can't I resist desserts,

Those sugary little flirts,

One bite in and you're all in,

More, more, more, until you feel like a human garbage bin.

Fond Memories of Being Mrs Poopie

Some of the cutest things that I own - a pink strapped Minnie Mouse watch from Disney Land, most of my cartoon character t-shirts, a woollen beanie cap with ears, a pair of Staccato boots, a white Teddy bear printed handbag and so much more, have all been gifted to me by my late husband.

So when I'm questioned and sometimes wonder, why it is that I'm still single after 3.9 years, it's simply because I've experienced whole-hearted, undiluted, you could even say "shiddat wala pyaar" from my dearest poopie.

Those are very large shoes to fill, for whoever wants to "hit this situation up", as a cool Gen-zite might term it. And this time, there's two of us, similar to a "buy 1, get 1 free" offer you might pick up from Reliance Smart Bazaar.

That's two smart talking mouths for the price of one and two diverse set of mood ranges to handle. So God bless, who ever wants to take ownership of this task.

That being said, we're also lovely human beings, once you peel off all those layers. My dead husband is testament to that. I think he enjoyed the close to 13 years with me and close to 3 with our son. 

While I can't promise, we've unburdened ourselves of the trauma his sudden death caused, we're slowly and steadily getting there. 

In the meantime, we power ourselves with plenty of laughter, crazy little boy games like being swung upside down from my shoulders and deep fried food. The deep fried food is very important by the way, everything else is fluff.