Qwickys, Nungumbakkam..

A place i called my 2nd home.. it wasnt merely a "coffee pub" for my school gang.. it was much much more than that.. The memories, the hours spent there.. its all a blur now to be very honest.. It seems like a million years ago since the gang and i hung out..

My gang mates have changed, the faces are different and the places we go to now are different as well..

Today.. after about 4 years plus my present gang and i went to Pizza Hut,Nungumbakkam.. (the same complex as Qwickys)

The first thing i did as soon as i parked my bike was to run to Qwickys.. It was closed down.. Shutters were pulled down.. and an "entry restricted" board was placed outside.. I felt a little lump rise in my throat.. Random thoughts rushed into my head.. The decor, the tiny cozy little nook, the bar stools, the smell of coffee, my school gang,the huge TV set,Arun.. Arun.. Arun..

Arun.. he was a waiter in Qwickys.. and i was a mean insensitive cruel bitchy school kid..

Ive done tons of ridiculous things in school and Arun was.. well.. sweet,sensitive,caring.. Allrite.. maybe im overdoing it a little now..

In a nutshell.. I just followed my whims.. I gave him hot and cold signs.. And just when we were beginning to get to know each other well.. i cut him out.. changed my number, ignored him completely each time i went to Qwickys..

Now.. fast forwarding to the present.. history repeated itself.. in the most nastiest way possible..

Someone who i got close to in the recent past is giving me the same cold treatment i showered Arun with 4 years back..

To all those people who ive hurt in the past.. Im sorry.. I truely am..

I wish i could go back in time and undo all the things ive done.. Someone please invent a time machine for crissake..! :/

Hitch..

I saw the flick for the umpteenth time last night on HBO.. i dont think ill ever really get sick of watching it.. It is a little realistic.. the added bonus of Will Smith.. plus all the catchy one liners and the smooth talking..

Always leaves me with a good feeling.. Gives me hope really.. Hope that maybe.. just maybe.. i wont wind up as a cranky spinster in a room full of cats..

Alex ‘Hitch’ Hitchens, a guy who knows how to make a good first impression and who’s willing to teach men the ropes – for a price.. As New York's 'date doctor', Hitch helps hopeless men hook up with the women of their dreams.. Setting up a geeky dude seeking love from a beautiful stranger is more than a job for Hitch, it’s an adventure..

Love is a word quite non-existant in the vocabulary of most folks nowadays.. and i dont blame them.. its a fast paced world of meeting deadlines and cut throat competition and slogging your ass off or else someone else would steal your job.. too many people and too little jobs.. so most folks just want flings.. non messy, non complicated, no heatburns.. its a mutual understanding of wham bham thankyou m'am..

I think the world needs to be saved.. by Mr. Hitch.. We all need to love some more.. We all have to open up some more.. We have to give people second chances.. forget and forgive.. Get in touch with old friends.. People who at one point of time meant the world to us..

Forget the past.. Move on.. Dont look back.. Make a fresh start..

I quote in the words of Hitch.. "Life aint about the moments that u breathe in.. Its about the number of moments that take your breath away"

Flashes..

Flashes.. teasers from my brain.. things from my past which are rewound and played over and over.. tormenting me..

When things go horribly wrong.. we move on.. somehow.. with all the courage we can muster.. But somewhere down the "healing process" lane.. we get these flashes..

Really small things.. like a Superman Returns hoarding,missed calls on my phone,a funny malayalam movie,the terrace,my guitar..

All of a sudden my determination and focus.. namely.. to move on.. crumbles.. I relive the past once again.. and after im done.. i sob hysterically for exactly 4 minutes or less and then i go numb.. Motions happen around me.. and i just get sucked into it.. i mindlessly play along with the mundane activities of the day..

I was watching this old mohanlal flick today.. "gandharvam".. and at some point.. watching the love story unfold.. i started getting one of those horrible flashes again..

The happily ever after ending somehow happens only in the movies..girl loves boy, boy loves girl.. and they wind up together with a baby..

In real life.. girl flips for boy and boy runs miles away.. girl tries to move on with her life.. trying hard to erase the memories..

The silver lining in my cloud..

Today was a nasty horrible affair.. I wish it never happened..

I have my internal exams going on.. Today was my last paper.. Photography.. And i mugged every goddamn detail in those horrible lookin xerox papers..

I drove wid a smile.. Happy.. Content.. About nothing in particular really.. I wave at a child on a bike.. I soak up the hot burning sun with a feeling of "aah.. im in heaven".. I observe the jammed roads and think to myself.. "sheesh.. chennai roads.."

I finally reach college.. walk upto my exam hall.. its empty.. no sign of any of my friends.. puzzled.. i walk upto my class.. and i noticed they were all writing.. stumped..

i walk upto d invigulator and i say.. "m'am isnt d exam supposed to start @ 12..?" she says.. "they're almost about to finish.. why dont u go to the deparrtment and talk to your prof"

so i stride up confidently to d deptt and i tell her.. "m'am.. i presumed the paper was @ 12.. can i write now..?"

she says.. "i made an announcemnent yesterday that it was @ 10.. and u're walking in right now..?" and she walks away..

I begin to panic.. i spot my class teacher and i tell her my tale of woe.. she smirks.. gets up.. walks out.. i follow her like a puppy with her tail behind her leg.. she talks to my photography prof.. i hear snippets of the conversation..

class teacher walks back towards me.. "u'll have to take the permission of the HOD"..

so for the next 20 minutes i pace up and down the college tryin to get a glimpse of my HOD..

Finally.. i see her.. i walk upto her and i tell her yada yada yada..

She says.. "allright.. go back up.. a new question paper shall be given to u.."

I walk back upto my deptt.. i spot my photography prof.. she says.. "im sorry Gayatri.. but we cant have an exam just for 1 student.."

Dejected.. the dam bursts open.. I sob hysterically.. I know its no big deal.. its just the internals.. these marks are not goin to help me clear this semester.. but the tears kept rolling.. i looked around.. none of my friends were around to console me.. give me a hug.. maybe a bitch a little about the nasty photography prof..

I felt a hand on my shoulder.. i looked up into the eyes of concern..

Gurl in white :what happened..
Me: i sob missed sob my paper.. waaahhhhhhh..
Gurl: which deppt..? wich year..?
Me: electronic media.. 2nd..
Gurl: did u talk to your prof..? maybe they will let u write
Me: i sob just spoke to her.. waaahhhhh.. they said i cant write it now.. sob sniff
Gurl: Oh im so sorry

I walk down.. She follows me..

Gurl: wait wait.. where do u stay..? shall i drop u somewhere..?
Me: u dont even know me.. waahhhhh.. sob..
Gurl:(smiles)so what..? u dont need to know someone to help someone

I spot my HOD.. "im really sorry gayatri.. we cant let u write this paper.. "

Meanwhile my gurl in white walks away..

Me: Sob.. Okie m'am..

I turn around.. she was missing.. she just vanished into thin air..

I walk back to the parking lot.. Starting up my bike with elephant tears still rolling down my cheecks..

I scan the roads.. I wanted to catch a glimpse of my White Gurl.. Her presence somehow soothed me,calmed my jittery nerves, her voice ran in my brain like a balm..

I dont even know her name.. Who was she..?

All through my ride back home i kept thinking.. None of my friends were around in my time of need.. I was all alone.. except for this stranger..

This incident made me realise.. The people we care about a lot in this world may not be around after all.. Maybe i am all alone.. Maybe i have no one to fall back on afterall..

I miss the influence of certain people in my life.. And after i reached home.. i called those people up.. One just cut the call.. And the other didnt bother to pick up even..

When shit happens.. we have to clear the mess on our own.. No one has the time to listen to u whining..

Girl in white.. thank you from the bottom of my heart.. whoever u are.. God bless u..