Forward

A little over a year, since Riaan and I found ourselves in this new reality. My young husband's death, was equivalent to the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In the months that followed, my toddler and I faced terrible side effects - physically and mentally. 

The debris in both our minds, will probably take years to clear. But we're moving forward, with immense help from immediate family and well-wishers. 

In times of crisis, it becomes crystal clear who your real friends are and were all along. Expect nothing from anybody. No one can help you, unless you want to help yourself. 

The choice to overcome any hurdle and create a reasonably driven life, is in your hands. While I've always loved working, becoming a mother and having someone to call my own, gave me greater purpose. 

I push through hard days at work, for my son. I stopped wallowing in self-pity after abruptly becoming a widow, for my son. Everything I do, is for my son.

So that's what I'm going to do for the rest of my life - be a mother. I'm not "brave" or "strong", I'm just a mother, doing right by her child. I've left behind the anger stage of my grief, for my son. He doesn't like it when my voice is raised and when I sound aggressive.

If there is a God who can orphan my child of his father, I'm sure he will give us something else to cling on to. Right now we're clinging on to each other. Me, a little more than him. 

Forward, that's how we must lead the rest of our lives. With or without, a father and a husband.