Almost Five

 

Bathing an almost five year old on a working day is an utter test of patience. The filled up water in the bucket goes down the drain, pee-pee is done everywhere except inside the potty and toothpaste is always inside the sink and never on the toothbrush.

Step into my house before 8am on any given day and you'll find a hyper-active human chimp and a frazzled, sleep-deprived mother with uncombed hair and shades of either black or pink facepack on her face (in an attempt to look ten years younger, all in vain of course)

So basically even before school and office begins for the day, World War III, IV and V have been lived out and fought. The winner is always the chimp, with a poor, soaking wet and always late mother in some corner of the bathroom, cleaning out the debris of the morning bath. 

Breakfast is another story altogether. Less than half the meal goes inside his tummy and the remaining is thrown generously on the floor. "Ants don't exist mommy", explains the brat with a devilish twinkle in his eye and he continues with his antics, "Hoooiiyyya! There goes the cheese! One bite for me, one bite for the floor", "I'm so clever aren't I mommy", he grins.

A call goes to the doting grandmother on the days I work from home to complain about the apple of her eye. She just chuckles as I rant and rave and replies coolly, "So much fun! And he's just a child." 

Winner of hearts, that little devil. PTA meetings fly by with his teachers insisting, "Riaan is an angel. Such a pleasure to interact with."

Alright, I give up. Angel outside, devil inside, just like that Onida advertisement of the early 90s. Neighbours envy and owners pride. Although I don't own this chimpanzee, merely birthed him and I'm not proud of the mass destruction of my beautifully decorated house.

One day, he'll grow up. But when will that one day come, I wonder. Pray for me dear reader and pray for the souls of all tormented parents all over the world. More than world peace, I want peace inside my house. Too much to ask for?