In the past 11 months, mumma has been called "brave", "courageous" and "inspirational". We've just lost your father and we're re-building our life from scratch. I feel far from "brave", "courageous" or "inspirational". I live for you. You are my glimmer of hope and will continue to be, until my dying breath.
In one hour, it's your father's birthday. His name was Rajarshi Bhattacharyya and he would have been 36 years old today. I'm not sure what you will remember of him, when you are 36 and have kids of your own. Just remember, that he loved you and he didn't want to leave you or me. It was just his time to go. God has some maniacal plan for you and me. I'm not sure what it is, at this point in time.
Know this, mumma will never leave you. I'm not going to drop dead in the middle of a working day. Instead, I'll drop my career in a heartbeat for you. I've done it in the past, just to give birth to you and I'll do it in the future, without a moment's hesitation.
I love you, more than your father. This is the hard reality of our life. Something I've already digested and something you will learn to live with and overcome. You will be a better man. You will make wiser decisions. I'll make sure of it.
Ever since your father died, I've developed a strong liking for the great big outdoors. Long walks, hour long swims and lounging in your grandparents' balcony are my favourite things to do. Nature heals, like no human being can, because nature is non-judgmental and has a numbing effect, to the volcano of pain bubbling inside you.
I'm almost healed now, thanks to nature. Almost. I saw a golden ray of light, pass through a dense tree cover this morning and it instantly reminded me of you. You have been that ray for me, ever since I became a widow at 34. There is no me, without you.
I'm so grateful to God for having become your mumma. I love you maniacally, my darling child. You're the most handsome, almost 4 year old, I've ever laid my eyes on.
I want you to work very, very hard and make something of yourself in this world. You became the man of this house at 2.11 years old. I know that's a very heavy burden to bear, but you've got this, because I've got you.
Together, we can do anything. The world is our Oyster. So let's kill it sweetpea!
Love,
Your mumma
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