My Doctor lady..

The old - the young, the rich - the poor, the posh fancy car riders - the Enfield bad boy riders.. They all have one thing in common.. DISEASES.

I caught my usual cough - cold - i think i'm going to hurl last night's dinner syndrome. I tried age old remedies suggested by mom.. I gulped 6 glasses of steaming hot milk with tumeric powder and i also inhaled hot water with cabbage leaves with a blanket over my head. But the cough-cold monster did'nt seem to budge. I could almost hear them saying, try a little harder sucker.. *evil grin*

Waking up with a brick like feeling in my chest and a toad like voice today morning, was the last straw. I croacked.. "Mommmmiiieeee, I want to go to my doctor lady. *sniff*

My doctor lady, is an adorable really fair, rolly polly thing, with a HUGE friendly grin. She talks nonstop, UNTIL you remind her that she has other patients, waiting in line for her services. Her consultation hours officially begin from 10am to 12 pm. So i kept reminding mom to get ready FAST so that we would'nt have to be waiting for a whole hour and a half before she could see me.

We reached DOT at 9.55 am. There was boy and an old man already seated on the plastic chairs . Mom and me took our seats as well and all 4 of us sat in mute silence, in a half trance - half meditating state. The old man looked at me questiongly with a "You're an able bodied more than healthy looking young woman, you should'nt even be here".. In return i coughed and sniffed. He seemed satisfied with my answer and looked away.

The only sounds that could be heard, apart from occassional coughs and sniffs were the sounds of cars and birds outside. So the sound of an Enfield roaring startled us a little, we all turned around to the source of the roar and in comes a smart looking thatta,with 3 lines on his forehead and a Kumudham magazine in hand.

The lights in doctor lady's clinic, were still not on. It was dark as night. We continued sitting in our trance like positions. A posh looking big car pulled up a little while later, and a very cute looking thatta-paati couple jumped out. Then an autorickshaw pulled up, with a smart mother-daugther duo in jeans and pajama.

The boy smiled into space, i turned around to follow his line of vision and saw Doctor lady rolling in. The lights were FINALLY on.. Hallelujah!!

Mom and i waited patiently for our turn to come, and finally we walked into her cool a/c clinic filled with her cute gizmos. She smiled and said, "But its not the wheezing season yet." Then she made me lie down on her little bed thing, asked me to breathe in, breathe out, do 'aaaa', the usual jazz. Then she asked me for my name (a ritual she's been doing for the past 8 years) and wrote down the names of the tablets, whilst talking non-stop about nothing in particular.

Moral of the Story : More than the tablets and the medication prescribed, it's the doctor lady who makes the difference. Just catching a glimpse of her round self, and listening to her ramble on, makes a person feel fit. Doctors really are miracle workers, the modern-day knights in shining armours. I salute the profession.

Only the Sparten women give birth to REAL men..

Under the command of King Leonidas, 300 brave soldiers fought against an army of a zillion for their country-Greece.

Everything about this movie is inspiritational, an absolute visual treat and definetelty one of the BEST war movies i have seen to date. Right from the war crys, to the witty one liners used in the most intense of scenes, to the costumes worn by the armies, is brilliant..!! 300 just gave war movies a complete make-over and made all the other war movies made to date, look like thrash..

The plot of the movie, is simple. The Persians want to take over Greece, and as per the rules of Greece a war cannot happen, because the elders are against it.

But Leonidas, is not ready to see his country burning and to see the women and children of his kingdom, become slaves to Persians. So they march forward and annihilate men, beasts, animals and immortals who cross their path. They die in the process, but every little bit of blood spilt, does not go to waste.

Greece wakes up and 10,000 soldiers go to war to avenge the death of their King and his 300. As the legend goes, Spartans are the descendants of Hercules himself and they sure did live upto that legend, by standing tall to a rain of zillion arrows thrown their way.

Hail King Leonidas and hail his 300..! *bows down in respect*

Bus number 5E..

To REALLY get to know a city in and out, you have to travel on one of the PTC buses. The ultimate mode of transportation, for the common man/woman.

The bus on which i will have to travel back and forth till the 16th of May, is 5E.. It goes all way from the Gandhi Mandapam bus stop till the vadapalani bus depot, its a painful one hour ride. Now Vadapalani, is a forgotten part of the city. Every 10 steps on the Vadapalani roads will make u want to hurl. Dirt everywhere, strange odours, oggling men (despite the fact that you're wearing the most horrendeous kurta you own) and to add to it all.. the intense Madras heat. Hell, is right HERE on earth ladies and gentlemen.

A new world has opened up to me.. I have become a hard core PTC bus traveller. And my landmarks to ensure that the bus is on the right track are.. some baby donkeys on the way, a barking rabid dog, a picture of Amma in red with the 2 leaf symbol under her picture which makes her look like a rose.. (Go figure) and a Subhiksha store..

And as for my fellow travellers and people on the roads, the following junta caught my eye.. A bunch of really cute looking beggar boys buying tickets from the conductor and one boy meticulously stuffing four 10 rupee notes into his pocket, a school kid standing next to me with a bag 5 times bigger than her, the fat oiled hair smelly woman leaning against me like i was her pillar, a cute big headed bald baby with big eyes lying next to his mom on a bench and kicking his legs and arms in the air and gurgling with joy every 5 seconds after seeing a bus whiz by..

PTC buses.. something all of us mall going, coffee drinking, movie addicts MUST try at least ONCE in our life. Our day to day problems would begin to diminish and fade away and we'd suddenly realize that our lives are painfree and very shallow at times.

Worldspace password renewal..

All worldspace subscribers are subject to a password renewal which happens midway through the month.. They send a letter with a zillion digit code which we have to punch in and only then can we listen to the darn device.. It gets locked, the music stops.. and mom goes beserk.. It’s a vicious cycle.

Last month found me standing in front of mom’s grey box.. with a remote in hand, punching in the finger numbing code.. She made me do this 6 times and all 6 times REJECTED flashed on screen.

This month again the darn letter popped in the mail and mom got even more hysterical because the instructions had’nt been sent along. So I gave her strict orders to take deep breaths and meditate whilst I went to the worldspace website and penned down the instructions.

And this time she wanted to take matters in her own podgy fingers.. And I was glad.. I read out the numbers, she punched them in and voila (miracle of miracles.. there is a God after all) ACCEPTED flashed on screen.

She looked at me with a huge grin on her face, gave me a Hi-5 and said.. “Gayu and mommie make a deadly combination” She continued grinning like a 5 year old for couple of seconds more and then waddled back to her worldspace.

Moral of the story : Grown ups are not really grown ups at the end of the day.. They’re just a bunch of eager enthusiastic lollipop sucking kids with a lot of responsibility on their shoulders.

The Momminess kicked in 7 years too early..

At some point in a woman’s life, she starts to think about her unborn child. And I have reached that point in my life.. apparently.. gulp

From kid-hater, I have progressed on to kid-lover.. There’s something about this kid.. The minute she sees me, her eyes light up and she runs towards me like I’m a precious gem. It’s absolutely adorable.. I feel so loved..

She goo goo gaa gaa’s with me, calls me akka in loud screechy tones every 5 seconds and she gives me hugs of death.. By hugs of death I mean she’s very aggressive.. She pinches me first and then kisses me, she grabs fistfuls of my tresses and then hugs me.. And so on and so forth..

Now in the past, if a kid did the above I would’ve whacked the little monster and run a mile.. But now things have changed.. I have changed..

Traffic Signals..

Have you ever wondered about the life of street people.. Are they nice, are they smart, are they happy, do they have hopes and dreams which they wish to fulfill?

Madhur Bandharkar's Traffic signal is a moving tale about THAT world, a world unknown to us or rather a world we all choose to IGNORE.. Each time we shoo away a beggar boy and then throw him a coin or two, or buy flowers from a little ragged girl we are adding on to the economy of our country.

I dont want to reveal the plot of this movie because i dont think i will do justice to it.

What really grabbed my attention and kept me on my chair for 2 hours and something minutes, was the smiles on their filthy unwashed faces. Horrible living conditions, people who treat them like dirt and barely enough food for survival does'nt bother these people.

Ever willing to lend a helping hand to their fellow workers and having a good time right in the middle of the road.. taking joy from the little things in life, like having a bath from a leaking water lorry and splashing around in the water fountain of a traffic signal keeps them going.

The message i learnt from Traffic Signal : The rest of us non-street workers are too caught up in our problems that we're forgetting to live our life in all it's splendour and glory. Happiness is all around, but we're all forgetting to just BREATHE it in. And even as i typed that line, i felt like a hypocrite.. because, i was tearing a little thinking about a certain someone and wondering if i'd ever see him again..

The man without fear..

Batman Begins truly leaves a mark on any Batman lover's brain.. It's refreshingly different from all the previous Batman flicks made namely Batman and Robin, Batman Returns and Batman forever.

Batman Begins has no overdose of mushy scenes, no overhype of the superhero himself and NO SCREAMING WOMEN.. Thank god..!

Batman Begins takes us to the man behind the mask and back to his roots.. Bruce Wayne, a small boy who has a fear of bats and whose parents get killed right in front of his eyes.. His goal in life henceforth : Avenge his parent's death and kill the gun-man.. But as fate would have it, someone beats the young man to it.

So he fleds his home town Gotham and associates himself with criminals to learn their ways.. He gets locked up in prison and a nasty brawl brews between the young boy and several other inmates.. He's thrown back into his cell and to his surprise he sees a well dressed man in the shadows who invites him to join an elite group.. "The league of Shadow".

The young Bruce Wayne accepts this invitation, learns many a lesson from his mentor (the well dressed man previously mentioned) and he thus becomes one of his best pupils.

But when his mentor orders him to execute a man, Bruce refuses to do so because of his principles and his passion for justice.. So he burns down the whole place and runs back to his home town Gotham and back to his ever faithful butler, who still has hope burning in his chest for his young Master Wayne.

With the help of his butler, Alfred and a former board member of Wayne enterprises, Lucius Fox, young Bruce Wayne slowly morphs into the man who BECOMES the fear himself.. BATMAN..

What follows next, is Gotham city under the clutches of the League of Shadow who are hell bent on the destruction of Gotham and the Scarecrow who plays a minor role now and then..

Every detail in this movie is an ABSOLUTE treat for the eyes and the imagination.. After watching the final scene of this movie, which involved a Joker Card, i'm restless and impatient.. I want to scream out to the movie makers.. Make the sequel.. FAST..!

The MESSAGE i learn't from Batman Begins : Even heroes have a right to bleed.. All of us fall down with a MIGHTY THUD, but we HAVE TO stand up again and face our demons.. True courage lies only in that.. The world has no place for cowards..

My partner in crime..

When i was 13 years old my father got me a new toy to play with.. An LG computer. I was thrilled as any child would be on getting something new.

I started exploring the parallel world of the internet and I soon became a voracious virtual socialiser.. And i met people.. Many people.. Some nice, some not so nice.

But i'm not going to get into my "virtual socialising" addiction now.. That's a tale of gore which shall be narrated in another post.

Back to my LG system now.. She has been my closest confidante, my partner in crime and my best friend when life was'nt a bed of roses.

A technician from Airtel had come home in the morning, to fix a problem in our broadband. All the while he was here, he kept saying.. "This system is too slow.. You have to upgrade it" He repeated this sentence every 5 minutes with a look of impatience and disgust.

And my brain whispered an order.. PUNCH HIM HARD.. I was surprised at the amount of anger seething through my body.. I could almost see and feel molten lava oozing through every vein.

I had to bite my tongue down from screaming.. "Don't tell me what to do with my PC, there's nothing wrong with it"

My computer suddenly seemed like family.. like my younger sister perhaps.. i could'nt stand the thought of an outsider coming home and giving me gyaan on my sister.

Maybe i was just pissed off with being woken up so early in the morning or maybe, the demented book i had been reading lately, about a psychotic mother who treated her daughter like dirt, was lingering in my brain.

But one thing's for sure.. This PC right here has been my life support for the past 8 years.. i love this pile of metal with all my life..!

The evolution of mankind..

When God created Adam and Eve he hoped that they would be good to each other, make loads of babies and live in peace and harmony..

But what did they do..? They ate that DARN APPLE and the happy lazy life they led was history..

And Adam and Eve's kids didnt do much to help the darn apple situation either.. they did'nt undo their parents wrong, instead they continued screwing around, and in no time the world said hello to terrorism, thefts, murders and all those other horrible crimes an insane human being is capable of doing..

The past 3 days ive seen some pretty nasty things.. And i did'nt do anything.. i just stood by and let it unfold before my eyes..

Incident 1
I was at Landmark with a friend, we were walking towards the Exit gate and we saw a fight brewing up between an old watchman and a middle-aged rich looking man.. It was a tongue lashing war and no real harm was done, but after about a minute the youngish man grabbed a cup of coffee the old man was drinking, threw it to the ground and next he pushed him on the ground..

I was shocked.. The wind got knocked out of me.. Patience, tolerance and respect to our elders irrespective of their financial status and standing in the society was something we've all been taught, at school and at home..

Now WHATEVER the old man had done to this middleaged man he should've complained to a higher authority and left it at that.. he had absolutely NO RIGHT to raise his hand at a helpless old man..

Incident 2
I had just finished my workout at the gym and was walking towards my bike at the parking lot.. I noticed a little boy screaming PODA and running away from a middleaged man who was eating something from the
roadside eatery.. This man, yelled back at this little kid and threw stones at him..

The man was well dressed, he was in his office clothes and im sure he was atleast a DEGREE holder.. Havent we been taught NOT to raise our hands at those smaller and weaker than us..?

For both Incident 1 and Incident 2, the UNDERLYING THREAD is that human beings are UNCIVILISED, HEARTLESS, CRUEL and BARBARIC.. Being well qualified, educated and having a good job doesnt really go a long way in making a man a good human being..

If we dont wake up and undo our wrong doings soon enough.. something REALLY BAD is going to happen.. Something MUCH WORSE than the darn apple situation.. And i sure as hell DONT want to be around to see it..

Why do the women in superhero movies scream so much..?

I am a die hard fan of Batman, Spiderman, Superman, Daredevil and all
those other superheroes, u name the boys, i love them all..

When the artists, painters and the movie-makers made these heroes come alive in front of our eyes they had a message to pass on :
There is a superhero in every one of us. So maybe we can't fly or climb walls or smell the rain before it falls on the ground or have supersonic hearing, BUT we're special, each and every single one of us.

That being said, i now move on to the essence of this post, namely, the lady loves of their lives. Why are they degraded and made to look like damsels in distress?

Why in the world do they SCREAM SO MUCH..?! By showing some shots of
her hanging from a ledge or being chased by the bad guy, it is very
clearly established that she is in trouble and therefore the next scene would go as clockwise; our superhero swoops in and rescues
her.

Now logic tells us all.. IF a superhero is in love with a woman, she's obviously got to be someone who is real SPECIAL, someone who's
intelligent, street smart and independent.. and hence a woman like THAT would definetely not scream her guts out over and over AND over again every TWO minutes of a dishum-dishum scene.

On the other hand, instead of screaming and wasting ALL that ENERGY she would in all probability WANT a piece of the action herself.. she would want to get in there and beat the shit out of the bad guys and help our superhero in question in his conquest of saving the world.

Moral of the story : It's a male dominated world both in real life and in the movies/comics. And i dont like it. I dont like it one bit.. "Im disgusted" would be an UNDERSTATEMENT.

Oh where oh where did my baby go..?

While reading this post keep humming Last Kiss by Pearl Jam..

Those mother-daughter talks are nice when one goes through a rough patch.. My mom and i just took a nice half an hour stroll on the terrace.. It was nice and breezy and pitch dark.. And the lump began to form in my throat and it all came gushing out.. memory after memory..

I told her about the only boy who i ever really cared about all through my 20 selfish immature years of life and how he left my world without saying a word..

I told her about how he walked into my life.. like a breath of fresh air.. the 12 hour conversation we had all night long that day, and how we got close to each other over the next couple of months that followed..

I told her about how much i miss him now and the change he brought about in me.. he rubbed off on me by leaving behind his analytical thinking and his pearls of wisdom..

I told mom why he was so special for a 24 year old boy.. He was a modern day Jesus Christ in many ways.. kind, generous, giving and understanding people's fears and needs.. I told her about the conversations we had, with me talking like a 5 year old and him retorting to my goo-goo-gaa-gaa-ing in his wise grandfatherly fashion.. for example..

Me : Hey look at my arms in this picture.. they look like tree trunks..
Him : *grins* what rubbish.. your arms look like clouds drawn by a child..
Me : Hrmph.. Poda monkey
Him : Mmmm.. Sometimes we dont realize that there are people in the world who have no arms..
Me : *sob* yeah.. you're right.. im such an idiot.. :/
Him : *hugs* thats alright.. you're my child.. you didnt realize what you were saying.. :)

Next i told mom that the reason i can't move on with my life is because there is no closure.. he didnt tell me that we were kappish.. that we're through.. the last conversation and the last message i got from him had no signs of it being our LAST conversation and LAST message.. He was not cold, rude or bitter.. he was chirpy, happy, full of life and making smoochey noises on the phone.. or in other words.. he was still the boy who i flipped for..

And finally i told ma that i wanted her to pray with all her heart and soul for him to come back in my life so i can smile once again whole-heartedly, instead of pretending to be happy..

And when i said that, i realized that though he's gone now, a part of him will always be with me and no one can take the memories away..
All i have to do is close my eyes and his voice comes back to my head.. singing for me, preaching to me about the importance of education, telling me how lazy i am and that i'm capable of much greater things in life.. His trust, faith and belief in me scared me at times.. I wondered whether i could ever live up to his expectations..

You will always be on my mind Srivathsan.. each time i see a plane flying through the skies i'll wonder whether you approved of that one..

Happy Woman's Day..

Today is International Woman's day.. the perfect day for me to sort out my head and get my priorities in life right..

For starters.. ive decided to stop under-estimating myself and open my eyes to the world of possibilities.. If i try hard enough i might actually have the power of flight..

Secondly.. I will stop getting friendly with devil worshippers, junkies and loonville musicians.. They only spell trouble with a capital T..

Thirdly.. I will gym harder.. much MUCH harder so that i can loose a zillion kgs and look like an anorexic malnutritioned stick wrapped around with clothes..

Fourthly.. Every time my mind takes me down painful memory lane i will pinch myself and snap out of it..

Fifthly.. I will stop throwing swear words at random careless auto rickshaw drivers, cyclists, pedestrians who try to get themselves killed while i drive..

Sixthly.. Every time a really hot boy eyes me i will mutter in my brain.. "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" and walk away without throwing him a second glance.. Ive decided to stop looking INSIDE the deep well filled with TOADS and instead look OUTSIDE that well..

Finally.. Women rule.. We're the givers of life and doers of all pure GENUINE honest deeds in this world.. In the words of Meredith Broocks:

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

The Truth..

I thought he was an arrogant snob and wanted nothing to do with him.. But then again there was something very alluring about him.. His boyish charm, the head full of curls and his wicked sense of
humour..

Yes, im moonstruck, so God help me..

A long winding conversation about nothing in general through the better half of the night and a one hour conversation in the morning should'nt mean much really..

But here i am thinking about the lad who i barely know, wondering what he's upto and whether we shall ever be friends..

So here's the truth ABOUT the truth.. It hurts.. The expectations and the uncertainty kills you..

P.S : Yes im going through a phase right now.. I'm NOT a WIMP, im just a wee bit more sensitive to people than i usually am.. I think.. :/

War Journalism..

I've always wanted to be a journalist.. ever since i was 15 years old to be precise, and today after watching Kabul Express the desire has become stronger..

The movie revolves around 2 Indian TV journalists who travel all the way from Bombay for the ultimate news scoop.. Meeting the Taliban..

And in their long tiring journey they come across Fanatic Muslims, Bollywood crazy Afghanistans and a soldier of the hated Taliban who needs to escape the clutches of the Afghanis and run back to his home.. Pakistan..

On the outset this soldier (Imran Khan Afridi) appears to be a man with no emotions who beats the shit out of people and fires his gun with a drop of a hat..

But as he opens his heart out to these Indians in his own barbaric fashion he reveals to them that he is a wounded father who's aching to see his daughter, he's a cricket fanatic who believes strongly that Imran Khan is the best all round cricketer the world has seen and that he loves Indian ciggarettes..

My heart went out to this Taliban man, maybe most of the talibanis are heartless cruel gore machines but essentially they're human beings just like you and me.. They have a heart which beats as strongly as ours..

As for the background score of the movie, its absolutely brilliant.. it has the right feel.. eerie, haunting and it will stick on your brain for a long long time..

Final Note : WATCH KABUL EXPRESS..

Dizzee World times..

So TODAY was a really fun "i think im going to hurl any second" way DAY..

Confused..? You should'nt be.. The name of this post suggests it all.. MGM Dizzee World.. Ive been to hell and back.. :/

No im NOT exaggerating or over-reacting.. i have a phobia for heights and ALL the rides in this theme park are centered around heights..

I always wondered.. Why do people PAY for this kind of torture..? Are they out of their freaking minds..?

And today the answer came to me..

Anyplace, anywhere, anytime.. can be made fun if u're with the right company..

I still am scared of heights, but thanks to all my friends.. I went on ALL the rides.. every single one of them.. including the RANGER ride which stands upside down in midair for ONE whole minute..

The trick to all these crazy wobbly air rides is to just sit back, relax, enjoy the view, watch the coast line, the greenary and scream with all your guts every now and then..

My back hurts, my head is still spinning, and i cant feel my neck anymore.. But hey, whats this life for if you dont do something out of character every once in a while..?

In conclusion.. "Life is not about the number of moments u breathe in.. Life is about the number of moments that take your breath away.." as quoted by Will Smith in Hitch.. :)

My chomp chomp past..

So my past always manages to crawl slowly behind me, like a snake slithering slowly to pounce on her prey..

And when the time is right.. "CHOMP CHOMP.. *burp* *sigh* yes that was one tasty butt".. If my past had a voice she would say the above sentence..

Rewinding back to the time i was dating a drummer/guitarist scrawny dreamboat.. my 1st love and a lying two timing speck of humanity..

The typical case of denial.. (read MY denial) I failed to see that my cheese was getting stale.. I failed to see the signs of "he's screwing someone else".. and i found out about it a little too late.. ANYWAYS..! thats not the point of this post..

This is about another BOY i met during the same time.. So scrawny dreamboat two timer was having a gig at some vague place.. He gave me a vague address.. (read NON EXISTANT address).. so of course i HAD to go.. to fulfill my girlfriendly duties and be his groupie.. *sniff*

So i called the other BOY who i barely knew by the way.. we had NEVER met.. we had only chatted online and spoken on the phone.. but i needed a drop and a pick up.. (YES.. i was an oppurtunistic bitch back then)

So we met up.. exchanged helloes and set out to find the non existant venue of my exs' non existant gig..

We drove on his really cool MODIFIED enfield which made this roaring noise and had uber cool skull tatoo like stickers stuck all over it..

He drove for 3 hours straight.. :/ finally the shit hit the ceiling.. i realized that i had been taken for a ride.. literally and figuratively..

And after that i lost touch with BOY.. i associated him with this horrible day in my life..

Now fastforwarding back to TODAY.. i woke up early.. raced to the gym.. and who do i see working out on the EFX machine..? BOY..!!
I sucked in a huge gulp of air and drank 3 glasses of water..

I ran to the changing room.. Wore my shoes and wondered.. will he recognize me..? Should I say hello..?

I walked out confidently with an air of a person who was here for one mission alone.. PUMP IRON..

But my confidence notched down to zilch when i saw him again.. I got on the threadmill for my warm-up.. Kept looking at the glass in front of me to sneak a peak at him to see what he was upto.. after my 5 minute warm up was done i stepped off the threadmill and on to the stretch machine..

Finally i saw my trainer walking towards me,smiling broadly and probably thinking.. YES oh yes..!! time for yet another torture session.. *muuahahahahaha*

We got on to the weights immediately.. After finishing one set i gasped for water and air.. So i ran to the cooler again.. and there he was.. sitting on the sofa, throwing daggers from his eyes and frowning at me like i was a terrorist.. At that very moment i prayed and wished the earth would split open in two and take me down with her..

I should've said something then.. "Hi Vijay".. or "Im sorry" or "Hey remember me.. the horrible kid who made u drive around every nook and cranny of this city..?"

But i just gawked at him through sips of water panting profusely and sweating like a pig.. :/

And then i ran away.. back to my trainer and the machines..

Moral of the story : There's always a time and place for striking up a conversation.. Strike when the time is right or repent forever..

The voices..

The promises made
The memories nurtured
The moments lived and re-lived
Was it all a lie..??

Where'd you go leaving me all alone to to my demons
You promised to stand by me come what may..
But when i turned around I saw only my dark shadow

I fool myself into believing i'm unaffected
I wake up every morning with a tiny little ray of hope which fades away as the hours pass by..

I try not to remember the good times
It only wakes up the pain that sleeps inside my chest..

You called me your child, you protected me from the icy winds of life
And now i'm cold and shivering with no one to turn to..

You were the only one who knew my fears and wiped my tears
Where'd you go leaving me broken and incomplete..?

Bring me back to life
Make me whole again
Make the dark demons go away..

Saarang 2007 - Powerchords and Decibel..

So last weekend was my FIRST ever powerchord and decibel.. Ive gone for small time battle of bands at the unwind before, but this was Saarang.. the bands are bigger, better and larger in number..

And as usual.. i was nervous.. before every gig my hands freeze like a dead man and i could feel butterflies running in my stomach..

So 27th January.. there i was riding on my bike.. taking slow deep breaths and riding towards Ascendas.. (i was going with t and n)

I walked inside the food court after parking my bike and i saw 2 smiling faces.. i walked upto them.. and i saw a piece of chocolate brownie covered in chocolate sause..

T said.. Happy birthday.. We couldnt find a cake..

And N rubbed some chocolate sause on my hand..

After stuffing it all down in 2-3 gulps we rode our bikes and made our way to the IIT campus..

N insisted on walking all the way instead of taking the bus.. It was a nice 2km walk considering i had flesh and blood real life Laurel and Hardy.. (much COOLER versions) :p tripping on each other..

The trechourous straight road trek was worth it.. we neared bindaas park and we could hear the thomp thomp thomp of music.. :) our heartbreats raced.. we stopped walking and started jogging a little..

And after that time and space and everything else was a blur.. the music took control.. And like all battle of bands.. There were some good ones and some awful ones..

My favourite band anyway was the "tease" band.. The drummer wore a Ramco cement t-shirt, the vocalist spoke gibberish into the mike.. My friend mentioned.. "Oh cool.. A goan band.." But the minute the words were out of his mouth we heard him say "nakshatrangal" :p and thats when we smelt the fish..

After they finished their 20 minute "performance" the vocalist/lead guitarist ran off stage like his ass had caught fire.. What stage presence i thought.. :p

In a nutshell last weekend was 48 hours of Ultraviolent rays, friends, smokes and very bad tanning.. I wish i could re-live it all.. :)

Goodbye my lover..

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

All hail James Blunt.. i could'nt have said it better.. Change is the constant of life.. people play different roles in our lives.. and i never wanted his role to end in mine.. i didnt dream of it in my wildest dreams.. this was IT, i thought, the real deal..

Stings.. stings like mad.. ive been through heartbreaks before.. ive moved on and healed.. but this time it feels different.. my life seems to have come to a standstill.. moving on is a far dream..

I generally use the HATE therapy to get over people.. but there are no bitter memories or nasty experiences i can think of.. you didnt hurt me in anyway..

On the contrary you handled all my mood swings extremely well and knew me inside out.. all my fears, my hopes, my deep dark secrets.. A slight tremble in my tone of voice and you'd know something was not right..

Would i be able to face the world without your wise voice running through my head..? Without the sound of your laughter ringing in my ears..?

Hopefully with some reserves of strength in my veins i shall move on with my life and smile someday.. but as of now, this very moment.. my wasted heart shall love you and i will wonder where you are and what you're doing right now and whether your heart is crushed to tiny bits like mine..

Be happy wherever you are boy.. it was an honour just knowing you.. take care.. God bless..

My King..

You've taught me how to love
My heart, its yours now

The days of 'me' have come to an end
The days of 'us' have begun a long blissful journey

The past is a bad dream..
The future; uncertain

Let me tell you about my hopes and my dreams
Let me hold you close and whisper in your ears that you rock my world

If i were to die tommorow; know that i'm at peace..
Because you have given me the greatest gift in the world.. YOU

I love you my angel..
I love you more than life itself

Here i am on my knees asking for your forgiveness for all the times ive hurt you in my blind rage
I know you will treat me like a goddess tommorow because i see the patience with which u handle all my mood swings

You know me inside out..
I feel naked in front of your eyes

You know the real me and im glad..
The rest of the world does'nt matter

In your eyes im a queen and that is more than what i asked for