Goodbye Mumbai

Ritesh and Rupa took me to our childhood favourite haunt - Laxmi. The auto ride from home till the restaurant had my heart soar up in earnest hope. I was sure you would be waiting for us there, cup of tea in one hand and Misal Pav in the other.

We ordered your favourite dishes, Misal Pav and Dahi Papdi chat. I discovered yet again, that our tastes in food were vastly different. I hated both dishes. The sugary, ginger chai made up for the terrible tasting food.

We spoke about you for one hour endlessly. By 10pm I told them we had to wrap up, because daddy would be worried sick. I will always be a school girl in pigtails for him! The fact that I have a son, ran a house for 8 years and lived away from them independently is something he conveniently forgets. 

So we rushed back home, to find daddy pacing in the dark, staring at the clock. Rupa giggled. I requested dad to go to bed, but he stayed put until we all said goodbye.

I'll miss our friends poopie, yours and mine. But this city brings a pain to my chest. It gave you to me 14 years ago and then took you away, just as easily. Every road reminds me of you. I have to get away. 

What hurts more than your death is the life you didn't get to live, but so badly wanted to. You wanted to mould your son into a fine young man. You wanted to buy a BMW this year. You were going to take a week off for our eighth wedding anniversary. You wanted to take me and Riaan to Europe. 

I'll try my best to fulfill these last wishes of yours. Will you help me? I'm no longer that typical clingy Indian mom by the way, I've decided to let Riaan marry whoever he wants. 

I've had a barrage of condolence messages and phone calls from people I barely know, they are indulging me with stories of how you touched their lives. I find myself consoling them and vice-versa. 

I smelt your shampoo for an hour today and wrote notes on the foggy bathroom mirror. You will answer my questions, I know. 

I miss you. So does Riaan. He has promised to come with me on long drives, shopping trips and superhero movie marathons. Wonder how long that will last! One pretty girl and I'm out. 

We visited Zora one last time today and Mano flung Zora and Riaan up in the air like dumbbells. They were thrilled, especially Riaan. He lived for moments like that with you on the weekends. It was very obvious from his actions, that he loved you more than me. His little heart is broken poopie. I havent been successful in fixing it just yet. 

I've always told you I can't raise this child alone. Remember that now, more than ever. You hold his hand, whenever he needs you. Because he needs you, more than me.