Home

Four months and two days since we've spoken to each other. The silence is deafening and the loneliness is heartbreaking. It hits me in waves - your big toothy grin, your spontaneous "long drive" plans and the sight of you slumped into our blue sofa with a glass of whiskey in hand. 

"It's good to be back home", was always the first sentence you told me, the minute you landed in Bombay. You were my home, for 14 beautiful years. Not four walls and the innumerable curios we handpicked from around the globe. 

With you gone, I feel like a kite without it's strings and a building without it's strong foundation. I'm happiest on the days I'm so busy, I have no time to think. I'm ecstatic, when my legs hurt from over-walking and my back feels like it's been hit by a sledge hammer. 

The reality of never being able to hug you ever  again for as long as I shall live, hits me when I least expect it. Like right now, all I want, is for you to hug me and take me on a nice long drive. I miss you, so much. 

But life has ruthlessly gone on and that's the bitter truth. Ever since you left, strength hasn't been an option or a choice. It has become a part of me. I had to rise-up, restart and at least attempt, to re-join the world of the living. 

I painfully realize, you can never reciprocate my feelings or answer the thousand questions I have for you. I've pulled down every single wedding photograph of ours and hidden away your t-shirts, because I can't bear to look at your sweet face or smell your gorgeous scent anymore. It kills me. 

I wonder, will I ever be "normal" again? Will this dark cloud in my head, ever blow away? For now, I'm just looking for a meaningful project that will keep me so busy, I have no time to think. So universe, give it to me. Keep me busy, busy, busy.