The Saturday Morning Obstacle Course: Uncles, Kids, and Swimming Pool Chaos

There is nothing more dangerous than Indian uncles trying to unwind in a swimming pool, except perhaps little children. If you pit the two against each other, you will find yourself with a draw; no one wins, and everyone around both species loses.

The ones I bumped into this morning looked and sounded like frogs. They grunted and stared at me with annoyed, beady eyes each time I crossed their path, while the kids kept taking horizontal laps as I tried to swim vertical ones. The whole affair lasted for a full hour. By the end of the swim, I felt exhausted but happy, as if I had just finished a vigorous game of Minecraft or Super Mario—constantly maneuvering around objects appearing out of nowhere. Instead of dodging video game bombs, I was avoiding bubbly farts and the occasional patch of diluted pee, while the actual gamers were replaced by the chaotic crowd in the water.

Post-swim, my brother had to navigate unruly road traffic—specifically Gen Z "champions" slithering like snakes on their mopeds. I turned to him and confirmed that this was exactly what I had just experienced in the pool for the last hour. Indian swimming pools are often flooded with more uncles and kids than actual water; tackling them is a massive feat, especially first thing on a Saturday morning.