Still Waiting for My Angel

How relevant is *Iris* by the Goo Goo Dolls even today? I think we’re all waiting for an immortal angel who chooses to give up his or her magical life to experience the vulnerable, painful and beautiful rawness of human love.

That’s all we really want — an angelic partner who gives us undying love.

I’ve experienced that loss in love twice, in different intensities, over the years — first when my grandfather passed away, and then when I lost my husband.

There’s a deep void that I feel in all the moments I don’t fill with work and mommy duties. Perhaps I work just so I don’t have to feel their absence — because it is deafeningly loud over the weekends.

It’s a basic human need to have a loving partner by your side, and I feel only half-complete in the middle of all the chaotic noise of work that I somehow create for myself even beyond office hours.

To love and be loved — it’s such a simple and beautiful feeling.

I wonder why people don’t want to open up anymore. What are they really scared of?

I’m still waiting and still hoping for my angel to heal the wreckage that is my heart.

Until then, there’s hot chocolate.