Ten months, since Riaan's baba "disappeared". Maamaa looks "just like baba", when she's dressed up for work and maamaa will "disappear at work too". That's grief response, for a three year old.
Has he forgotten his father? No. Does he remember everyday of his life, that his father went to work in the morning and never came back home. Yes!
Babies don't "get over it" and "move on", when someone as important as their father just stops existing. It's absolutely impossible! I'm subject to "Tell me Baba die story", at least once a day.
"Baba should have stayed with us forever", "Baba will jump down from the stars and his die will disappear" and "When I die, I'll give Baba a pinch on his big fat tummy". My heart breaks all over again, listening to my three year old.
What a pity, he had to experience death at such a tender age. From the moment my gynaecologist placed him into my hands, I knew my boy was nothing short of special. He was a rebel without a cause, even before he was born.
My morning sickness, lasted all through the day and practically for all nine months, of my pregnancy. I survived on potato chips and road side chaat. He was born pre-term, at exactly eight months. My labour was sudden and super-fast, just like his personality. He can't stay still for a minute. He is hyper and natters endlessly through the day.
There are moments, I catch him holding back his tears, little jaw shaking and tears being suppressed. I encourage him to cry immediately. The age old adage of "Boys don't cry", can be shoved up, where the sun don't shine!
I'm raising a sensitive human being and releasing him into the world, not a macho man, with a machine gun. That guy looks good only on the big screen. No thank you!
As an expert on all things grief, I tell my equally grieving baby son to "cry it out", each time he misses Baba. Baba is never coming back. But Baba loved him.
I know in my heart, his 35 year old father, is always watching over him. If that man had any regrets in life, it's leaving behind a child who was only 2.11 years old. That's his unfinished business through the end of time. More than me, he will protect his child.
As for me, I'll always have mixed feelings about his death. What a sudden, abrupt and strange way to go.
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