In this three year period, I suddenly became the poster girl for death. All and sundry began to reach out to me over young dead people falling flat. I counselled them and then found myself taking a dig at my Bailey's.
Have I been able to shut down the darkness in my head, after three years? Nope. That was my husband and my life that went up in smoke. The darkness lives on, and I am the darkness. Picture a chatty, annoying Batman who asks too many questions. I am chatty Batman. Hello! Nice to meet you.
To everyone experiencing death right now, there's no easy way to figure this out. Plunge yourself in the pain. Cry it out, eat it out, scream it out, break it out. There's no one size fits all, when it comes to curing grief. And there's no curing grief by the way. You'll always be grieving.
Your dead loved ones, will sneak up into your brain, when you least expect it. I cope with Bailey's - multiple flavours - Espresso, Caramel, Bailey's original and then there's low fat, sugar free icecream too. But nothing beats my Bailey's.
I'm sane, most of the time. But when I'm not, I allow myself to just be. I let my cuckoo self out and allow her to cry and scream. Single parenting along with widowhood, is like taking a walk in the park - the Jurassic Park. My child roars louder than a T-Rex.
But it's all good, I'm as happy as I can possibly be given the circumstances. Life is filled with decadent ada-pradhaman and play dates. I have a wonderful family and lovely girlfriends. What more could I possibly ask for?
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