What A Year!

What a rollercoaster of a year it has been for Riaan and me! It feels like we have lived multiple lives in a mere span of nine months. The absence of his father, haunts us a little less, as the days roll by. 

Mary, my favourite boss from my early PR days in Bombay aptly said, "You will always feel this pain, but just like a rusty blade of a knife, the sharpness eases off with time". She was right, as always. 

Riaan and I, are not fully okay. We still have our off-days. My current boss Shina, is convinced I'm drowning myself in work, and am suppressing all my emotions with work. She advices me to sit with the pain and feel it going through my body. The woman has a zen like calmless to her, while I am "she-hulk", so it's easy for her to dole out such saintly advice. Perhaps she regrets hiring me, but too late now, she's stuck with me for a good 100 years, at least!

I'm suddenly single, after 14 years, with a 3.8 year old to tend to. The journey has been interesting so far. I am financially independent. I have a good support system of friends and family, who don't ever give me a chance to feel alone.

I am a single mom, only on paper. In reality, my child hardly gives me a second look and has latched on to my parents, for dear life. His ammumma has the answer to all his toddler problems. I am no longer needed. I am already irrelevant and uncool, for my boy. 

I recall the Pandit-ji's words to me, as I did the 11th day puja for my late husband. "God will give you the strength to forge ahead. You will find a way". He was right too. 

In hindsight, none of what I did was out of strength really. Everything I did and continue to do, is for my son. He is my whole and soul and will continue to be, for as long as he needs me. 

His confused and frightened little face, over my husband's motionless body, gave me the strength to pull it together and stop crying immediately. He has seen and experienced things, much beyond his years. We share the same scars, in different magnitudes. 

We've got this, my boy and I, because we don't have a village, we have an entire Army behind us. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, you know who you are.