Two Days

Two days left until we become man and wife,

In a different time, space and life,

I wish I could burn 9th February,

Into oblivion, then I wouldn’t have to carry,

This beautiful memory forever etched into my soul,

One that doesn’t make me feel whole,

Anymore,

“Getting married in your early twenties is folklore”,

“You kids have better opportunities in store”,

I replied, “Agreed, but we’re emotional beings too. So placing matters of the heart first, was never a chore”,

I was so arrogant when we first met,

I thought we could have it all, without working up a sweat,

Carnival of Rust somehow became “our” song,

And we foolishly went along,

With the flow,

Look where that got me today, a life with no glow,

I have the baby, yes,

He makes me feel blessed, in moments of stress,

But even he can’t grasp the monumental loss,

That has been thrown our way, like a ruthless dice toss,

I blame no one for your downward spiral,

You were the master and maker of your own peril,

Morning walks, smoothies, grilled food and Vitamin pills,

I forced upon you, without frills,

Finally, it lay in your own two hands,

To take a stand,

To prioritise peace of mind,

To be a little kind,

Instead, you lost the plot,

And got so badly caught,

In a vicious cycle of people pleasing,

Which had you squeezing,

The very life out of you,

From where I stand, your death feels like yet another one of your unreasonable whims, which you couldn’t quite chew,

A whim that has ruined my life,

I wonder, why did you even take me as a wife,

When I never featured in your big decisions,

You vaguely spoke to me about all that you envisioned,

You never encouraged or supported my resistance,

Now look at the distance,

You’ve successfully managed to place between us and you,

I promise, our son will be better than you,

The rest of my life,

Will be dedicated to this very purpose, which is much larger than your rather short, yet memorable life.