The Ups and Downs of Single Parenting

Being a single parent means getting all your child's love in the place of two. It also means having to double as both parents. When my late husband passed away four years ago, my son Riaan was two years old. 

I often wore his father's clothes and footwear in those early days of his demise. And Riaan would question, "Why are you wearing Baba's flip-flops?" I would confidently answer, "Because I am Baba now."

Four years later, I can tell you, it's never wise to replace a parent. If you're the mother, be the mother. If you're the dad, please be the dad. One parent can never take the place of the other. I can never become a man, even if I pretend to be. Not in this lifetime anyway.

When I started taking Riaan to playzones after his father's passing, he would watch other children playing with their dad's and look visibly upset. That's no longer the case. 

Does he miss the absence of his father now? I'm sure he does. Perhaps it's a conversation to be had for his later years.

For the time being, he has wiped out all memories of his father, probably because he feels cut up by his sudden demise. He cracks morbid jokes on death and moves from one day to the next.

I try my best to compensate for the loss of his father by throwing myself at work and showering him with enough and more material goodies. Even then, I know it's still not enough. 

Some days I'm absolutely fried. On other days I'm at peace. But I know this is a battle that I cannot win. I can never take the place of his father and he will never experience his biological father's love. 

It is what it is. And the faster he and I can accept this reality, the better. 

Single parenting or any parenting for that matter is not for the weak hearted. Bringing a child into this world means ensuring that he or she makes something of himself or herself in this world. Only then can you go upstairs in peace.