Stranger Things was the only series, my late husband and I watched in competition with each other. These are probably the only children in the world, that he ever truly loved after his own son.
I felt like a proud mother, a grieving widow and like I'd taken a capsule back in time as I binge watched episode after episode. In the midst of all that, I abruptly burst into tears and my 6 year old quickly took 5 steps back.
"Why are you crying?", he asked, to which I replied, "This series reminds me a lot of your late father."
"Then stop thinking about him", he replied without blinking an eyelid. Still crying, I wondered where I'd gone wrong as a parent. My Demogorgan mode of screaming and disciplining, he had made peace with. But he couldn't handle tears of love. I stared at the little robot I had created and wondered why he couldn't process grief or anything remotely complex, that was running in my mind.
And then I realised I had never really cried in front of him until that point. In his mind, he had just moved two cities, moved to two different schools in 4 years and could no longer physically see the nice man who played with him every weekend.
He had no idea what he'd lost and in that moment all I could feel for him was more heartbreak. How could I ever make him understand marriage and love and what a father really is.
Will could control Demogorgens now and only I witnessed it. Time and story lines keep moving cruelly forward, as if my son and my world never collapsed around us.
While I definitely don't miss staying up beyond 10pm or eating chicken wings until midnight, I definitely do miss the man who made me do all those questionable things.
1 comment:
Grief never leaves, it only softens. Wishing you peace and strength as you continue to honor this love.
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