Working Title : It's a small world..

It's a small world.. soon to be made into a major motion picture. Watch out for it at the cinemas near you.

During our 1st hour of college today, our Media Aesthetics m'aam gave us a little assignment. We had to split ourselves up into small groups and conceive a movie, keeping in mind all the aesthetic elements employed in movie making. She wanted us to describe an important 10 minute scene in the movie.

So, we brainstormed over it. We all agreed on keeping it on the theme of friends. And finally Ms Ritu's analytical brain churned out this:

4 boys, 12th graders. One of them dies. So the other 3 go for his funeral. Whilst sitting around the dead body of their friend, they reminisce and recall their days filled with laughter and fun. Finally they all get up, they don't cry, they don't talk to each other. They just bade farewell to each other in silence.

The house of the dead friend has a 3 way path. Boy A takes a path filled with orange flowers and he has a determined look on his face. He glances at the poster of a war movie and continues walking on. This boy, grows up to become an army officer.

Boy B takes a path filled with white flowers, and as he walks down this path, he sees a wounded bird and rushes to its aid. This boy, grows up to become a Doctor.

Boy C takes a path filled with blue flowers, he's a nerd. He wears glasses. This one, grows up to become a computer genius. Someone who can crack codes and can access forbidden websites and do super duper computer related stuff in general.

The 3 of them meet again, in later years, when they're much older. And they save India.

The above was our group's movie. There were 7 other groups in class, who narrated their movies as well. And at the end of this assignment, our teacher told us that this was a competition and that our group had won. And she said that because of "budget constraints" our prize was nothing hi 5. Saying this, she called the 6 of us to the front of the class and gave us a black sketch pen each, and she said that our movie could ACTUALLY be made.

Now I'm not sure where we'd all land up after we pass out of college. But i sure as hell, want to see "It's a small world" being made. I have never felt more strongly about a cause before. Pray for us movie lovers, keep your fingers crossed.

The winds of change..

I can feel the winds of change whipping strongly, and i know i have to give in. Although I'm lost, disoriented and a little hurt, i know this change is for the good. My life has changed. Its taken a completely different track and i just HAVE TO chug along.

On the personal front, the lad who meant the world to me is obviously bullshitting with me. And Ive cried over it for too long now. I want these wounds to heal, I don't want to bleed anymore. I want to be carefree and happy like the 3 year old child who lives next door.

On the soon to be professional front, my war journalism dreams have been tossed into the gutter. Technical writing is my bird in hand now. And i quote in the words of a wise man, (who i spoke with almost all night yesterday *grin grin*), CTS is your chicken , and you ought to like your chicken dead and deep-fried if that don't work , tandoor it, else make some chettinad out of it.

Life sure is weird. One minute, you're on path A and before you know it, you're thrown on to path B. One minute, someone means the world to you, and you curse the world and god and everything else involved in the love game when things don't go right. The next a complete stranger brightens your mood and there you are waking up early, hitting the gym, wondering when to call this new lad and say You rock man, i salute you.

Trainers.. Enna koduma idhu saravanan..

I saw Fido today, or his real life flesh and blood look-alike. He had a triangular face, toothpick like arms and legs, with very sad dopey looking eyes and he was cute, in a very malnutritioned feed me something right now kind of way.

He walked on the thread mill, for about 15 minutes and then vanished into the weight lifting room. I followed suit, after my 1st round of cardio was done. I walked in to see Fido struggling to lift 5 kg dumbbells, which he had grasped with both hands. The next 20 minutes was spent doing my weight sets AND listening to Fido moaning with pain every 2 seconds. The trainer was merciless as always, pushing him to do more and more sets.

Now Fido's arms, were the size of my wrists. And he was lifting the exact same weights that i was lifting, 2 kgs more to be absolutely accurate. His "Oh god" cries were quite pathetic, I had a very strong urge to throw my dumbbells on his trainer's head and scream at him for breaking the boy's arms.

What is the deal with these trainers anyway? Just because they're puffed up and look like Arny wannabes, does NOT give them the right to push cute skinny boys. Sheesh.

Message to cute skinny boys : DONT listen to your trainers. Be a man. Use your head. Just stay the way you are,work on what you already have. Carry yourself well. Walk tall. There is NO need for you to get all puffed up and look like hot air balloons.

The stud boy..

I met him last year, in the most weirdest of ways and we became good friends almost instantly. He was Kurt Cobain version 2.0.. kickass guitarist, aerosmith beads around his neck 24/7 and an "i don't give a shit" attitude. This boy, had no time for women. All he cared about was his music and his gang of friends. I liked that. I liked the fact that he was, such a carefree person, without a care in the world.

Sometimes i wondered how it would've been to be like him. To have not fallen in love, to have not cried over it a million times over, to live just for yourself and no one else. I envied him. I wished i could be like that.

But when i spoke to him today, he was down in the dumps. Cupid had struck him at last. I tried consoling him. And he told me things, which I'd never known. He told me that he'd been through a broken heart before as well, and that's how he'd become Kurt 2.0 To the outside world he was stud boy, but that was merely a facade.

That's when it hit me. Love, the beginning and the end of everything good and everything bad. Don't screw with us Mr. Love for we're good people. We deserve better than this. Bring us peace, joy and happiness. Isn't that what you're supposed to do anyway?

Fainting spell..

There's a first for everything, as the saying goes. And today was my very first fainting spell. I blacked out for the very first time in my 20 years of existance.

It was a pretty cool fainting stint. Although i wish the location was someplace more elegant, someplace more exciting. I blacked out inside my bathroom, sadly.

I woke up today at 5.45 am, got up to wash my face, turned around to grab a towel, thats when it hit me. My feet felt like jelly, my head was beginning to spin, i felt very sleepy and relaxed, i could see a black patch. And then i felt a sharp jab on my skull. The black patch dissappeared and it was replaced by the ceiling of my bathroom. My whole life flashed before my eyes, the happy times, and the sad times. And before i knew it, i started howling like a dog. I was wallowing in self pity, because i couldnt get up. I hoped someone would hear my wailing and give me a lift up. No such luck though.

So i lay there for another 5 minutes crying, for no reason. Yes, i cry a lot. Give me a chance and i bet all the dry lakes in chennai could be filled up with my tears.

Anyways, i finally got up. Looked at my hair and eyebrows in the mirror, because they bring me great joy, its the only thing about me, which ive been proud about pre weight loss and post weight loss.

Stumbled on bed again and slept off.

Moral of the story : Fainting spells suck ladies and gentlemen. Starvation and working out like a maniac in the gym doesnt really go a long way in staying healthy. The road to skinnydom comes with a HUGE cost.

My BESTESTEST friends..

This is going to be a very difficult post for me, because whatever i say about these amazing bunch of ladies, would be saying too less. My college going cousins repeatedly told me, on some "school fraainships gone wrong" stories of mine, that college is where u meet your TRUE friends, school was merely a passing phase and that i wouldn't think twice about my schoolmates once i pass out. But, the aquarian characteristic of loyalty is very ingrained in me, and i fought back with them and said firmly that no way, i love my school gang and we'd never loose touch.

I was wrong. We all lost touch. I barely remember, being close with a bunch of school kids. I draw a blank, each time i think of my school gang. The only thing i can remember very clearly about school was the sheer torture. I was in hell, i was sucked dry. I HATED school with all my heart. I just did not fit in. I was never a mug pot and never shall be.

Then there are others who claim to be my "close" friends, but just don't get the "time" to write me a freaking testimonial on orkut or keep in touch with me, because they're too "busy". And the occasional SMS of "lets meet up sometime babe" and when i do call or message, i get a "Oh, not today, lets do it some other time"

Now these kind of "friends" just drain me out, mentally. They call me horrible nick names which i HATE. They only bring me downER when I'm already down (NOT helping) and almost always made me the butt of most of their jokes. And yes, i ALWAYS made an effort to dress up nicely, whenever i went to meet these "friends" and they never appreciated the gesture or said anything nice. Looking back, i think they were all just plain jealous, because i was a bombshell then and i sure as hell am one now. (thank you again very very much Fitness One)

Anyways, all this just made my confidence levels hit rock bottom, i never really felt good about myself, i always presumed that i was a bungling fool, who could never get things right, i somehow thought that i "deserved" to be the butt of their horrible jokes and yada yada.

And then, college happened. My life changed, it took a U-turn, for the good. I met Ritu, Vasavi, Megha, Vani, Archana, Bj and Priya. And all of them are godsend. Each one unique, each one
nothing short of amazing.

For the first birthday which i celebrated in college, they got me around 10 gifts, and each one was well thought of. I cried that day, i must've looked like a wuss to them, but that was the day, i realized that these women are my TRUE friends. I remembered vaguely of getting alarm clocks as birthday gifts back in school. And one of my "close school friend" returned, yes u read right RETURNED all the gifts that i gave her, on her birthday, on my birthday.

Anyways, back to my angels.

Ritu : The nerd, the i "so desperately want to bell the cat", ever encouraging, ever supportive lady. She has read ALL my posts to date. She is my ardent blog fan, and pre Cognizant, kept telling me to write a book. Now, post Cognizant, tells me that I'm just the best and I'm a born technical writer.

Vasavi : My agony aunt. She has stood by me, through all the "why are men such bastards" phases. And she continues to stand by me now, telling me constantly that men will die for me, and that I'm too good to be true.

Megha : The youngest, but the oldest. Confused? Let me rephrase. She is by age, the youngest in our group, but her mental years are light years ahead of ours. She is the rock of our group. Dishing out motherly advice and ever protective of her "kids".

Vani : Jungli Janwar. The tag has stuck for life, even though she's become a good girl now. The spoilt brat of our group, she screams, bites or scratches and we obey. Period.

Archana : My teacher. I manage to get decent grades in papers, all thanks to this lady. I have nothing short of respect for you.

Bj : Motormouth. Silence is an alien word for this one. 24*7 entertainment, she has us either in splits of laughter or deep in thought about a serious global issue.

Pri : Ms Congeniality. This lady would feature on every one's "bestestest friend" list. She has never said NO for anything we've asked for, be it submissions, be it to act in our documentaries, be it to come for a cup of coffee to discuss our tragic lives.

To make a long story short, Machis, you all ROCK. Thank you for being a part of my lives, thank you for moulding me into who i am today, thank you for constantly supporting me, thank you for noticing the little things like, how great my hair looks, the kick ass junk jewellery collection i have and for boosting my confidence sky high. I can now safely say, that I've become 100% snob material and nothing will ever be good enough for me, because you've made me feel like royalty.

So far away..

I will not call out your name, as you turn your face away from mine,
I will not hold you back, as you walk away from me..

But, as you move on, my love, think about all the things that we used to be
I pray you find someone who respects you, as much as I do..

You will always be on my mind
You will also be a part of me..

I thank you, for some of the high points in my life right now
For i don't think i could've accomplished it, without the faith you had in me
You changed me, you left behind a newer, wiser, better me
I can face any difficulties life throws my way now..

I'm happy now, knowing that you are at peace, knowing that you are safe and sound
And doing all the things that you want to do, fulfilling all your duties..

Keeping that in mind, i shall console myself and be strong
I pray that at least in the next birth, if there is one, you be mine..