Today has been a mixed day, not good, not bad. Just mixed. Last night i did the unthinkable and i got the result for the act this morning. It was exactly what i expected, a red signal. But i accepted the rejection, with a smile on my face.
I was not happy, but i wasn't sad either. I felt relieved to finally close a chapter in my life and move on. No more questions, no more what ifs and buts. There was a surety to the situation now, I had all the answers i needed.
Nextly, i chatted up with an established Indian writer, who is, at present compiling Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul for Indian readers. She appreciated my writing skills, called me a teenage rebel and asked me to send her more articles, for her yet to be published book.
Call me an arrogant pig or an overconfident buffoon, but i decided not to send her anything more than what i already had, because i fear that she'll flick my ideas and elaborate on the same. She wanted me to add on 2-3 lines more to everything i had sent her. And that i realized is NOT me. I don't want to write for HER, however established she may be. I want to write for MYSELF. I refuse to give a solid conclusion to any of my articles, I want them all to be open ended, left to the readers imagination, vague, unpredictable et al.
I learnt two things today. Firstly, when it comes to matters of the heart, don't hold back, just spit it out and face the music head on. Rejection is a very over hyped thing, it's sad yes, but not 'i cant live anymore' sad. The circle of life shall continue to revolve and rotate.
Secondly, be yourself. Don't change your identity for anyone and someday the world just might appreciate you, just the way you are, irrespective of how deranged and mad you might be. Period.