Friday, December 31, 2021

How I'm Doing

How do you think I am doing? A 34 year old newly turned widow. My whole world turned upside down with one strange phone call. The life I knew for 14 golden years, wiped out in seconds. 

No handsome husband to fight with and then make-up. A son without a father. An entire life we envisioned together, gone. Just like that, all with one phone call.

November 6th, poopie's birthday, December 6th, the day he died, January 8th, Riaan's birthday, January 31st my birthday, February 9th, our wedding anniversary and 13th July, our poopieversary. These dates and months are going to hit me like boulders falling off a cliff, till the day I die. It will stick out like a sore thumb.

Riju asked me if I felt peaceful. I told him if the Joker were real, I would be it. Bloodied cut lips drawn into a forced smile and having the ability to blow up an entire building or town with no remorse. I have nothing left to lose anymore. Might as well cause a sizeable amount of destruction.

Will I ever heal? Will I ever be happy? And not just forced happy, for the sake of my child? Now I really am dark_angel_8731 (my yahoo ID that poopie made fun of). Guess what pupu, the joke's on you, because you've filled my head with darkness. My heart has turned to stone. I probably don't have a soul anymore and my brain has turned into dynamite, just waiting to explode. 

Well done! All that is on you. Still resting and feeling peaceful, wherever you are? Snap out of it, NOW. 

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