Three Feet in Time: An 18th Poopieversary Note

It was 3:45 AM when I distinctly had a vision of my late husband. He was dressed all in black with a pensive look on his face, holding his guitar and creating a new composition while standing in the music room of our sprawling 3BHK house in Powai. It was almost like he was telling me telepathically, “Slow down, Poopie. Your right knee is creaky—look after that. Don’t go crazy juggling Riaan’s after-school activities and work. Take a chill pill.”

Had he been alive, I’m pretty sure he would have just said, “I don’t know. Just figure it out, Poopie.” But perhaps dead Poopie is a saint now? Or is it just in my head?

My knee does creak by the way. It started last Sunday right in the middle of watching He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. As I was texting someone last evening, I’m an "old lady pants" now—who doesn’t actually wear pants because it’s too hot in Chennai.

Coming back to my late husband: today is 12th June 2026. We met exactly 18 years ago in the summer of 2008. No wonder I’m dreaming of him. The dead never leave us, do they? They’re tricky that way. We’re always one foot in the future, one in the present, and one in the past. We are three people all at the same time. By "we," I mean people who are experiencing loss and have more or less navigated the grief-monster with our fair share of cuts and bruises—both visible and invisible to the world.

I guess I’ve moved some figurative mountains since my husband passed, and I’ve lost track of how many because time is a blur to me. There are the daily deliverables of work and school. There is the constant life crisis of whether my child will be a homeless bum by 25 or if he’ll figure his shit out and get it together in school (he’s only in second standard by the way, so someone can whack me now; I’ll accept it). Then, there is the larger life crisis of what I’ll do once he goes to college. Should I get a superbike and ride all over the world, or should I invest in a very fancy old age home with a swimming pool and a badminton court so that I can continue being a small potato at home?

The questions are infinite, and the answers will only come slowly and steadily with the passage of time.

For now, yes, Poopie, I still remember you. You don’t have to look pensive and pass on telepathic messages to me. On that note, your back was already creaky five years ago, so my creaky knee is quite justified at almost 40, thank you very much. Shove some melody inside your son’s brains as well. The musical genius in him has still not awakened, and I’m tone-deaf, as you well know.

Happy 18th Poopieversary, my dearest Poopie. Riaan and I love and miss you. Well, I definitely do. For Riaan, you are sadly just a figment of his imagination, but he’s getting to know you with time.