The Mjölnir Matrix: Step Up or Step Away

Accept and don't expect—this has been my life's motto for the past five years. I certainly didn't expect my 35-year-old husband to drop dead on me one Monday evening, but I accepted it. Ever since, life has been a series of acceptances, because expecting leads to disappointment, and I fear my beautiful, hot chocolate and gajar halwa-eating heart may not be able to handle another one. 

I anticipate problems before they arise and eject myself from the situation, whether it is good or bad. Ever since I became part of death's collateral damage, I've decided to stop partaking in potential tragedies. Of course, I feel deeply for the people and situations I am with at the time. But if I sense I am being taken for granted—and those senses are highly heightened now—I simply leave. No explanations needed, and no questions asked. 

Worldly attachment to people and things simply leads to heartbreak. Therefore, do not attach until you see the lifeline being thrown back to you. It only takes common sense and basic intelligence to figure out who values you and who doesn't. The time for throwing myself into grand, dramatic gestures—like sacrificing my career or moving cities for a man—is frozen. Of course, this is a debatable topic. 

I am like Thor's hammer now—Mjölnir. My child and I will only fall into the hands of someone worthy; until then, it is a hard pass. I've seen too much of life and death to be a naive 20-year-old. If words don't match actions, once again, I simply leave—whether it is an organisation or a person. Leaving comes so naturally to me now; it isn't even scary. 

I suppose death does this to you. It gives you a sense of independence so strong that there is simply no going back. You have lived alone, played the role of two people all at once for one tiny human, and managed to sustain both yourself and that tiny human. Frankly, we've got this—monkey and I. So, you either step up or step away from every aspect of our lives. 

Uff! This piece of mine took a dark turn. I suppose I am dark yet light, similar to Enid Sinclair—the werewolf in me is dormant, yet begging to break free. Undefeated by death mommy and woman, out!